Saturday, November 28, 2009

Patience Is A Virtue..........that I Don't Have.

After much unanticipated roommate drama that started almost instantly upon my move-in this past September, I have now made it my life goal to find my own apartment. The hunt began last weekend and I have found a few decent places, but nothing that I love. I have been doing my research and don't want to jump on the first place that I find just because they promise that first month's rent is free or try to woo me in with the mention of a heated Jacuzzi or something random.

My biggest fear of moving into a new place may be kind of silly and ridiculous, but I'll just go ahead and say it to get it over with. It's not safety issues, or location, or anything of the sort. I hate roaches. I hate insects of any kind really, but roaches....ugh, I get chills just thinking about it. I can probably count on one hand how many roaches I have seen in my lifetime, but I hate them nonetheless. I went to Puerto Rico this past summer and a friend of a friend picked us up to go out one night. She neglected to tell us that her car was infested with roaches, and I spent the whole night forcing myself to fight the urge to jump out of her car whenever I noticed something crawling around me.

I discovered a website called and read the reviews on all of the apartment complexes that I am looking at as my next potential home. As soon as I see the word "roach," I immediately cross that complex off of my list. The thing that is really annoying to me about living in Atlanta is that people lie so damn much here. Maybe people lie everywhere, but I have noticed more of it living here. So even when I ask about pest control issues, and receive an emphatic, "Oh, no, not here!" I can't help but feel that they're bullshitting me. I mean after all, who tells a potential tenant, "Yes, we have plenty roaches that you will never be able to get rid of, regardless of bombing, spraying, etc." Well, with the exception of the one woman who showed a model apartment to me and some friends of mine back in July and I noticed some dead roach-like creatures in the bathtub. We inquired about insect problems in the complex and she informed us that we would have roach problems at any place we chose to reside. I gave her one of the deadliest looks I've ever given to any human being, but at the same time I was grateful that she was stupid enough to give us that heads up before we made the decision to sign a lease.

I want to stay within a certain budget, but it seems that the "nicer" apartments in the area close to where I work are going to be more expensive. I'm almost at the point where I would rather pay a bit more rather than going for cheap rent that includes unwanted visitors.

I am trying to pace myself as well so I can save up for all the money that I will have to pay up-front since my savings are a bit non-existent at the moment. However, it seems almost impossible to save up when I am simultaneously paying bills and rent at the hell hole I currently reside in. I also need to get repairs done to my car, which is always fun. AND due to my drunken antics that resulted in losing my brand new Blackberry, I now have to shell out $200 if I want another one. I know most would argue that a Blackberry is not a necessity, but after just a month of ownership I have decided that life without one is simply out of the question. At this rate, I'm thinking that by the time I save the money to move out, the lease at my current residence will probably be up, defeating the whole purpose of my moving out early.

Like the title suggests, patience has never been my strong point. If I want to move out, I want to move out NOW. If I want a new Blackberry, I want it NOW. If I want my car to be fixed, I want it fixed NOW. I know that's not how life works, but it doesn't stop me from wanting what I want when I want it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Here's To a Fresh Start.

I had some bumps last week and got heated over some things that I should have simply laughed at (forgot to listen to my own damn mantra, ain't that some shit?) but I'm looking to do better this week. Just another week and a half of work, and then I have plans to go home for Thanksgiving. Looking forward to getting away for a while, clearing my mind and spending time with people who genuinely give a damn about me.

Still need to take care of business this week. I need to get enrolled for classes next semester, oil change for my car, and all that other fun "grown up" stuff. Here's to a new week, and no drama.

Monday, November 9, 2009

This Week's Mantra.

Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.
Petty and bored people do petty and bored things. Petty and bored people do petty and bored things.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Don't Even Have a Title for this Shit.

So I met this guy right? That's how it always seems to start lol. It was a few weeks ago, he went with me to shop for a Halloween costume the weekend before the holiday. I thought he was cool; maybe a little nerdy but I prefer that over dudes that have so much game and know all the right things to say. When it was time for us to part ways, he asked if I would call it a first date. I told him he could call it that if he wanted to, and he informed me that there is "usually a kiss" at the end of a date. So I quickly told him no, it wasn't a date then.

A week goes by and we text back and forth, and on a Sunday afternoon, I text him to see what he's up to. He says he's studying and invites me over to hang out when he's done. I am tired, but I make the trip to his house anyway. (Not the best idea, in retrospect.) I get over there and we watch DVDs for a while. To make a long story short, we "hooked up" or "made out" or whatever term people use for it. Those both sound gross and immature to me but I don't know how else to phrase it. He was really sweet about it and all that bullshit and had me feeling kind of......mushy and whatnot. Anyone who knows me knows that mushy and I don't go together.

Fast forward to THIS weekend: I get a text from him asking how I'm doing and what I'm doing for the weekend. I say that I'm staying posted at the house, since this is yet another weekend that my funds are embarrassingly low. He says there is a party at his house. Not really an invite, but I am assuming that maybe he wants me to stop by? I don't respond though; like I said, money is limited for me and driving = spending gas = spending money. Besides, I don't really want that mushy feeling again so it's best for me to stay at home.

I send him a text the next day, asking how the party was, you know, just being nice. His response: "Good had threesome with two females." Pause. Make that a LONG fucking pause. He seems like the goofy type, so maybe he's joking. Even so, what is the purpose of joking about something like that in particular? To get a reaction from me? And what KIND of reaction would he be looking for exactly? So many questions, but I doubt he would even be able to muster the mental capacity to answer them. I simply tell him I'm glad he enjoyed it. He writes back asking if I am "mad." I ask why I would be mad? He says "I don't know."

Like many of my posts, I don't know exactly where I am going with this. Sometimes I wish that God would come down and tell me exactly why people say and do the stupid shit that they say and do, because I am officially at a loss. I guess I could chalk it up to immaturity.......but I really don't want to. Was this his way of letting me know he is no longer interested in me? If so, why not just come out and say it? I'm so blown right now. I'm about to swear off all human contact for good.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Just Want to Know.........................

.........................Am I the only one that finds it annoying (and gross) when grown people leave obvious shit stains in the toilet and don't bother to clean up after themselves? I don't know when or how, but this has come to be a serious pet peeve of mine. And I wonder how to approach someone about it. Like, should I say, "Hey, would you mind cleaning your skid marks next time you take a dump?" So awkward. Can't wait for the day when I am living on my own.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Crack Ain't Always Whack.

Okay, so this week is not ALL bad. (See, I can be positive sometimes.) I did just get my "Crackberry" and I am now officially one of those annoying people who's constantly checking their e-mail/Facebook/texts on their phone as if their very last breath depends on it. I can't help myself though. It has two of my favorite things: Internet and it's pink! ;)


That's what I'm saying to this week's paycheck. Come to think of it, that's what I say to EVERY week's paycheck. Ugh......excuse me, it's just that rent is due this week and I'm extra bitter about it lol. And to top it off, a roommate has mentioned that she paid someone for landscaping and we all owe her $8.75? Landscaping? Last time I checked, we did NOT live on a damn golf course. But everyone in this house is too lazy to mow the lawn (myself included), so I guess.......anyway, after rent and that landscaping bullshit I will have about $40 left to work with until next Wednesday. Good times! It's times like this that I really wish Jesus would make it rain some twenties from the sky instead of this cold misty rain.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Lupe State of Mind.

For anyone that knows me, you know that I love. Me. Some. Lupe. I think I first "discovered" him when Kanye featured him on "Touch The Sky" and I liked his style, then later his single "Superstar" was getting a lot of radio play, and I decided to buy his album "The Cool." Best decision ever. Since then, I have been a Lupe fiend and I just about fell out of my seat when I got word that he will be performing at Morehouse's homecoming this upcoming Wednesday. I am somewhat hesitant to call in ANOTHER day at work seeing that I just called in last Wednesday (which kind of wasn't even worth it, but that's another story) plus the fact that rent is due next week........but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. This is Lupe! My husband (in my head, at least). I think I'll just have to go ahead and take the plunge. And I will definitely be blogging about the experience, as I'm sure it will be amazing. :)

Blame Game

One of my Facebook friends posted a link to a video a few days ago entitled "RIP Black America2." Here's the link:

Not too many things stump me, but this was one of those rare occasions in my life that I wasn't really sure what to think. In some portions of the video, I agreed with the narrator wholeheartedly; in others I wanted to find the guy and slap him silly for making such general statements.

First quote that I need to speak on: "It is impossible to get a Black woman to accept responsibility......for anything!" Really? And have you met all of the Black women in the world to know this for a fact? I don't even have to know all the Black women in the world, but I can use myself as an example and (contrary to what some say) I am responsible. I get up every day Monday-Friday and drag myself to a job that I don't even really care for because I know it is what is going to pay my bills, keep gas in my car, and food in my belly. I have never depended on a "sugar daddy" or anyone else to take care of my responsibilities for me, and I don't plan to start any time soon. (Even though times are tough right now lol.) I have never been pregnant, never been in an abusive relationship, and I don't go for the "bad boys" that treat me like shit because I value myself more than that.

As for Black women being "indecisive, bitchy," and "petty as hell," well, I've had my days where I've been all three and then some, but haven't we all? And don't tell me that Black women are the only ones that suffer from the occasional bout of pettiness. I have lived in environments that allowed me to interact with people of all different racial backgrounds and I dealt with some very indecisive, bitchy, petty shit, and those women weren't Black!

Then to say that White women "don't have a problem" finding a good man? Come on son. Just because the stats show that more White women than Black are married does not mean that they have found a "good man." I literally LOL'd when he said that "almost without exception" when a White woman gets into a relationship with a Black man, he isn't on drugs, respects her, is accomplished and loyal, and they wait until AFTER they marry to have children. Ummm.......sweetheart do you not watch Maury? Jerry Springer? Cable television of any sort? Do you ever leave your house?! These shows are filled with interracial couples giving the same "I don't know which one is my baby's daddy" or "I want a lie detector test to see if he's cheating even though I found used condoms in his backseat" drama that Black couples have. Growing up in my old neighborhood, I lived right across the street from a (White) woman that had a bi-racial daughter and had never married the father. And I have lost count of how many times I have been to the mall, grocery store, etc., seen a brother with a White girl, and thanked God that she "took" that man from Black women because I could tell from their interaction that he was no good.

Now I did agree with him on the analysis of Black women having "anchor babies" in order to keep Black men around that don't want them. This seems to be an ongoing trend in our community and it saddens me to see young girls having babies so freely just to keep a man, not realizing that if he didn't want you before you got pregnant, he won't want you now. On the same token, can we not say that White women have done the same thing in attempts to "keep" their men as well?

I won't even comment on his theory about why no Black women have won the presidency....................

I also agree when he says that sexed-up images like Beyonce are what Black women have been left to aspire to be like, and I touched on that in my first post "This Bullsh** is Getting out of Hand!" It's a shame that our race is being "dumbed down" to the point where a woman's biggest value is in her derriere. But I feel that this man did the same finger-pointing that he accuses Black women of doing. To say that the home and family are her responsibilities and if they fail, she is solely the one to blame? That doesn't fly with me. In the words of my mom and other old-school folks, "It takes two to tango." If kids are not raised right and grow up to be menaces to society, it's not just their mom's fault. It's on Dad too. Yes, it is wrong to try to "trap" a man with a baby, but should he be having unprotected sex (or sex at all) with a woman that he knows he doesn't want to be in a relationship or start a family with? I feel that as a race, we will never come up with any solution because we are constantly going around in circles of "You're the one to blame; no, YOU'RE the one to blame." If everyone would put their pride to the side and admit that Black men AND women have had a part in why our community is in its current state, maybe we could get somewhere.

Have You Ever.....................................................................

..................................Just wanted to walk up to someone and slap the shit out of them? That's how I feel right now. So I'm at home chilling this weekend minding my own business right? Tell me why I go into the refrigerator and see a to-go box from some restaurant my roommates went to and see a message written into the Styrofoam container saying "Do not eat or I will kill you." Really? First of all, I have NEVER, I repeat NEVER eaten anyone's food without permission. I did not even realize this was an issue up until this moment. Secondly, who the fuck are you going to "kill"? Especially when you can't even look me in the eye when I walk into the room. I wish a bitch would.......ooohhh I'm hot right now. I probably wouldn't even WANT to eat whatever nasty shit is in there. I feel more like throwing it out. *Evil smirk*

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Jesus Please Let This Week Be Over..........

It's only Tuesday (er.......Wednesday, I suppose) and I'm so anxious for the week to end that I feel like pulling my hair out. To start out, I began the week by overdrafting my checking account for the first time in a few years. I called myself trying to be "on top of" my shit and paying the gas bill a week in advance, but boy did that backfire. Anyone who has experienced an overdraft knows that it sucks. Royally. And the bank seems to be super trigger happy when it comes to putting all those neat little fees on your account that you didn't even know existed. So my "fat" paycheck is not looking fat at all, and even though today was payday, I am already eagerly awaiting NEXT week's payday.

What else is going on......oh, I've been bombing at work lately. At my job, we get audited and I got an unusually bad audit on Monday which did nothing to ease my fears of the rumors I've heard about a possible lay-off coming up in October. I currently hate all of my roommates and am thisclose to moving out, even if it means sleeping in my car until I find a place to stay. My acne is acting up (most likely due to the stress in my life). I need a haircut like three weeks ago.

Sigh......I guess I just feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up with life. I take one step forward and get knocked back twelve. I have so many things that I want to accomplish in my life but I'm so distracted by bills, and drama queens/kings, and a job that really has nothing to do with my career goals, that I feel like I can't even focus on those things. Even little things that I want seem to be unattainable. I mean damn, can a nigga get a new pair of shoes every once in a while without breaking the bank? A new camera? A pedicure? Something?

I feel myself becoming a product of my environment and I don't like it. I'm surrounded by people who work, work, work and have nothing to show for it but lots of debt and misery. They get "things" to obtain happiness but they're STILL not happy. I don't want to be that person. I want to have the best of both worlds: to have everything I need (and some of the things I want), but to still be content with myself and not rely on those things to define who I am.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

What Did I Get Myself Into?

I made plans to do a post on an article I read about educated Black women's dilemma of finding a Black man with similar credentials, but my mind is on something else at the moment. Have you ever had that friend that always felt the need to "one-up" you when it comes to comparing whose life sucks more? You know, the one who you tell, "I got a flat tire today" and they tell you, "Oh girl that's nothing, my car hit a tree, burst into flames AND killed a family of Dalmatians!"? Well I made the bright decision to move in with not one, not two, but three of these types of individuals and I can honestly say I am beginning to feel the regret.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the queen of pessimism/sarcasm, but I feel like my negative views on life are nothing compared to the people I live with. Every activity, no matter how mundane or unimportant, is full of complaints and naysaying and paranoia about all the bad things that could possibly happen. I know it's good to prepare for the worst, but damn.

Even searching for a house turned into a drawn-out two-month nightmare complete with shattered dreams over the "perfect house" that couldn't be obtained due to a stubborn homeowner, flaky friends who pulled out of being roommates at the last minute, and arguments over who was doing the most "work" when it came to house hunting. I hadn't even seen the house that was ultimately chosen due to my annoyance with all the drama. When I finally saw it, my friend noticed that I was less than thrilled about seeing my new pad for the first time and commented, "You seem so enthused about it." If she had witnessed all the BS that went on in what should have been a fairly simple process, she would undoubtedly feel the same way.

To add on to everything, I now have the slight feeling that I am living with my parents. (Don't get mad, Mom, you know I love you.) But you know what I mean. Your parents go around the house turning lights off in rooms that aren't being used to "save" electricity, turning on vents in the kitchen when you're cooking, etc. It's annoying, but they're your parents. When it's a roommate doing the same thing, it gets under my skin. If I'm paying rent and splitting all the bills, why should it matter if I leave a light on in a room while I'm not in there? I mentioned that I wanted to buy a puppy once we moved into the new house and was immediately shot down with all of the stipulations one of my roommates has regarding dogs, including that they "can't bark." Really? Since when do dogs not bark? Keep in mind, this same roommate has a cat, and when I mentioned that that is the equivalent of saying that a cat can't "meow," he vehemently shook his head and argued that it's not the same. Yes, it is the same, because I find it just as annoying when your cat scratches and whines at my door while I'm trying to sleep as I would if a dog were barking outside the door. Then there's the recent situation of when I was given a key to check the mail and promptly told not to "lose it." As if I go around losing keys all the time. I AM NOT FIVE YEARS OLD! I just want to scream that shit at the top of my lungs.

I don't even know what my point is. Sometimes I just need to vent I guess. I keep telling myself, "Just be cool, just keep working, save up, and next year you can move into a place all by yourself." For some reason, that thought is not very comforting to me at the moment. And for the record, I am actively making plans to get a puppy very soon.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I Wonder Why............................

..............dudes blow up your phone all throughout the week with texts asking you what you're doing for the weekend (implying that they want to kick it, chill, hang, whatever you call it). Then when the weekend rolls texts. That is all.

This Bullsh** is Getting out of Hand!

Okay. I haven't blogged in a minute (writing a blog, that is) and I may be a little rusty, so bear with me. Due to my exciting life in the suburbs of Georgia, I have lots of spare time to read different blogs and one that I frequent is Necole Bitchie. Yesterday she posted a video of a Tyra Banks episode featuring African-American women that had nearly died due to complications of botched DIY butt implants. It was rather sad, but what was worse for me was when I scrolled past the post to read the comments of other readers.

The two that stuck out to me the most were posts from what I gathered to be two African-American males. Here's a portion of what the first guy wrote:

"A woman with no bootie is a woman without my phone number. I do not care how much I like her personality, how cute she is…If she doesnt have a booty and some thick thighs….I wont even take her serious. Its that important. A big booty is a pre-requisite."

He then went on to list his criteria when looking for a woman and the #1 priority was (you guessed it) a big ass. Followed by looks, "good pussy," some other BS, then alllllll the way at #7 was intelligence, which made me chuckle. He went on to say that if any women fit his criteria and wanted an "educated" man, to hit him up at his e-mail address. *Blank stare*

Next was a young man whose screen name was "Real Talk." He said:

"Nowadays skinny girls might be a man due to surgeries and tranvesdikes. A big butt with thick, curvy hips screams femininity and says to a man “I’m a woman”. Black women are supposed to be curvy. Men dont want a girl shaped like a boy. Take money away and women would be just as choosy. Women are superficial with money so what do you expect. Once a nigga got money he gonna be choosy with the body of a woman (cause he can). Men buss they ass to get paid to be choosy, if you dont want a choosy man get a broke man. Real talk"

Really? I can't say I was particularly surprised at these comments, more disappointed than anything. It actually only confirmed the suspicions I had about Black men regarding thin Black women to begin with. While going to school last year, I had a roommate that had the body that all men seem to be looking for: big booty, hips, thighs. The complete opposite of myself, being a lifetime member of the "Itty Bitty Titty Committee," having little to no thighs, and a moderate sized behind. Every time we went out, it never failed: some guy would step to her spitting mad (corny) game and try to get her number. It baffled me because even though I'm not an outgoing person, neither was she so I knew they couldn't be talking to her based off personality. I thought maybe it had something to do with looks. I consider myself attractive, but after going out with her so many times and being completely ignored, I thought maybe I was one of those delusional girls that thinks she is so fine and no one else sees it but herself. I kept observing my surroundings and began to notice that whenever a female passed a group of guys, what was the first thing they looked at? Not her face, not even her breasts, it was that ass. Needless to say, I was (and still am) disturbed by it. You mean to tell me a chick can be completely busted in the face, be boring as hell, DUMB as hell, but somehow get a pass just because she got a "donk"? According to "Real Talk" and that other dude, that's exactly what it means. Sad.

What makes it so ironic is that these are the same guys who moan and groan about how there are no "good women" out there and the only females they find are gold-diggers. What else can you expect when one of the least important qualities you look for in a woman is intelligence? Women obviously are up on the game now that they can use their bodies to get what they want, so why not take your dumb ass for everything you've got? I won't lie, I have certain physical aspects that I look for in a guy too, but to say that I wouldn't even give him a CHANCE if he is missing one of those features, in spite of having a good personality and being otherwise attractive? I don't just pisses me off that the majority of Black men have such low expectations for women. Prerequisite. Hmph.