Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Jesus Please Let This Week Be Over..........

It's only Tuesday (er.......Wednesday, I suppose) and I'm so anxious for the week to end that I feel like pulling my hair out. To start out, I began the week by overdrafting my checking account for the first time in a few years. I called myself trying to be "on top of" my shit and paying the gas bill a week in advance, but boy did that backfire. Anyone who has experienced an overdraft knows that it sucks. Royally. And the bank seems to be super trigger happy when it comes to putting all those neat little fees on your account that you didn't even know existed. So my "fat" paycheck is not looking fat at all, and even though today was payday, I am already eagerly awaiting NEXT week's payday.

What else is going on......oh, I've been bombing at work lately. At my job, we get audited and I got an unusually bad audit on Monday which did nothing to ease my fears of the rumors I've heard about a possible lay-off coming up in October. I currently hate all of my roommates and am thisclose to moving out, even if it means sleeping in my car until I find a place to stay. My acne is acting up (most likely due to the stress in my life). I need a haircut like three weeks ago.

Sigh......I guess I just feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up with life. I take one step forward and get knocked back twelve. I have so many things that I want to accomplish in my life but I'm so distracted by bills, and drama queens/kings, and a job that really has nothing to do with my career goals, that I feel like I can't even focus on those things. Even little things that I want seem to be unattainable. I mean damn, can a nigga get a new pair of shoes every once in a while without breaking the bank? A new camera? A pedicure? Something?

I feel myself becoming a product of my environment and I don't like it. I'm surrounded by people who work, work, work and have nothing to show for it but lots of debt and misery. They get "things" to obtain happiness but they're STILL not happy. I don't want to be that person. I want to have the best of both worlds: to have everything I need (and some of the things I want), but to still be content with myself and not rely on those things to define who I am.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

What Did I Get Myself Into?

I made plans to do a post on an article I read about educated Black women's dilemma of finding a Black man with similar credentials, but my mind is on something else at the moment. Have you ever had that friend that always felt the need to "one-up" you when it comes to comparing whose life sucks more? You know, the one who you tell, "I got a flat tire today" and they tell you, "Oh girl that's nothing, my car hit a tree, burst into flames AND killed a family of Dalmatians!"? Well I made the bright decision to move in with not one, not two, but three of these types of individuals and I can honestly say I am beginning to feel the regret.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the queen of pessimism/sarcasm, but I feel like my negative views on life are nothing compared to the people I live with. Every activity, no matter how mundane or unimportant, is full of complaints and naysaying and paranoia about all the bad things that could possibly happen. I know it's good to prepare for the worst, but damn.

Even searching for a house turned into a drawn-out two-month nightmare complete with shattered dreams over the "perfect house" that couldn't be obtained due to a stubborn homeowner, flaky friends who pulled out of being roommates at the last minute, and arguments over who was doing the most "work" when it came to house hunting. I hadn't even seen the house that was ultimately chosen due to my annoyance with all the drama. When I finally saw it, my friend noticed that I was less than thrilled about seeing my new pad for the first time and commented, "You seem so enthused about it." If she had witnessed all the BS that went on in what should have been a fairly simple process, she would undoubtedly feel the same way.

To add on to everything, I now have the slight feeling that I am living with my parents. (Don't get mad, Mom, you know I love you.) But you know what I mean. Your parents go around the house turning lights off in rooms that aren't being used to "save" electricity, turning on vents in the kitchen when you're cooking, etc. It's annoying, but they're your parents. When it's a roommate doing the same thing, it gets under my skin. If I'm paying rent and splitting all the bills, why should it matter if I leave a light on in a room while I'm not in there? I mentioned that I wanted to buy a puppy once we moved into the new house and was immediately shot down with all of the stipulations one of my roommates has regarding dogs, including that they "can't bark." Really? Since when do dogs not bark? Keep in mind, this same roommate has a cat, and when I mentioned that that is the equivalent of saying that a cat can't "meow," he vehemently shook his head and argued that it's not the same. Yes, it is the same, because I find it just as annoying when your cat scratches and whines at my door while I'm trying to sleep as I would if a dog were barking outside the door. Then there's the recent situation of when I was given a key to check the mail and promptly told not to "lose it." As if I go around losing keys all the time. I AM NOT FIVE YEARS OLD! I just want to scream that shit at the top of my lungs.

I don't even know what my point is. Sometimes I just need to vent I guess. I keep telling myself, "Just be cool, just keep working, save up, and next year you can move into a place all by yourself." For some reason, that thought is not very comforting to me at the moment. And for the record, I am actively making plans to get a puppy very soon.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I Wonder Why............................

..............dudes blow up your phone all throughout the week with texts asking you what you're doing for the weekend (implying that they want to kick it, chill, hang, whatever you call it). Then when the weekend rolls texts. That is all.

This Bullsh** is Getting out of Hand!

Okay. I haven't blogged in a minute (writing a blog, that is) and I may be a little rusty, so bear with me. Due to my exciting life in the suburbs of Georgia, I have lots of spare time to read different blogs and one that I frequent is Necole Bitchie. Yesterday she posted a video of a Tyra Banks episode featuring African-American women that had nearly died due to complications of botched DIY butt implants. It was rather sad, but what was worse for me was when I scrolled past the post to read the comments of other readers.

The two that stuck out to me the most were posts from what I gathered to be two African-American males. Here's a portion of what the first guy wrote:

"A woman with no bootie is a woman without my phone number. I do not care how much I like her personality, how cute she is…If she doesnt have a booty and some thick thighs….I wont even take her serious. Its that important. A big booty is a pre-requisite."

He then went on to list his criteria when looking for a woman and the #1 priority was (you guessed it) a big ass. Followed by looks, "good pussy," some other BS, then alllllll the way at #7 was intelligence, which made me chuckle. He went on to say that if any women fit his criteria and wanted an "educated" man, to hit him up at his e-mail address. *Blank stare*

Next was a young man whose screen name was "Real Talk." He said:

"Nowadays skinny girls might be a man due to surgeries and tranvesdikes. A big butt with thick, curvy hips screams femininity and says to a man “I’m a woman”. Black women are supposed to be curvy. Men dont want a girl shaped like a boy. Take money away and women would be just as choosy. Women are superficial with money so what do you expect. Once a nigga got money he gonna be choosy with the body of a woman (cause he can). Men buss they ass to get paid to be choosy, if you dont want a choosy man get a broke man. Real talk"

Really? I can't say I was particularly surprised at these comments, more disappointed than anything. It actually only confirmed the suspicions I had about Black men regarding thin Black women to begin with. While going to school last year, I had a roommate that had the body that all men seem to be looking for: big booty, hips, thighs. The complete opposite of myself, being a lifetime member of the "Itty Bitty Titty Committee," having little to no thighs, and a moderate sized behind. Every time we went out, it never failed: some guy would step to her spitting mad (corny) game and try to get her number. It baffled me because even though I'm not an outgoing person, neither was she so I knew they couldn't be talking to her based off personality. I thought maybe it had something to do with looks. I consider myself attractive, but after going out with her so many times and being completely ignored, I thought maybe I was one of those delusional girls that thinks she is so fine and no one else sees it but herself. I kept observing my surroundings and began to notice that whenever a female passed a group of guys, what was the first thing they looked at? Not her face, not even her breasts, it was that ass. Needless to say, I was (and still am) disturbed by it. You mean to tell me a chick can be completely busted in the face, be boring as hell, DUMB as hell, but somehow get a pass just because she got a "donk"? According to "Real Talk" and that other dude, that's exactly what it means. Sad.

What makes it so ironic is that these are the same guys who moan and groan about how there are no "good women" out there and the only females they find are gold-diggers. What else can you expect when one of the least important qualities you look for in a woman is intelligence? Women obviously are up on the game now that they can use their bodies to get what they want, so why not take your dumb ass for everything you've got? I won't lie, I have certain physical aspects that I look for in a guy too, but to say that I wouldn't even give him a CHANCE if he is missing one of those features, in spite of having a good personality and being otherwise attractive? I don't just pisses me off that the majority of Black men have such low expectations for women. Prerequisite. Hmph.