Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Jesus Please Let This Week Be Over..........

It's only Tuesday (er.......Wednesday, I suppose) and I'm so anxious for the week to end that I feel like pulling my hair out. To start out, I began the week by overdrafting my checking account for the first time in a few years. I called myself trying to be "on top of" my shit and paying the gas bill a week in advance, but boy did that backfire. Anyone who has experienced an overdraft knows that it sucks. Royally. And the bank seems to be super trigger happy when it comes to putting all those neat little fees on your account that you didn't even know existed. So my "fat" paycheck is not looking fat at all, and even though today was payday, I am already eagerly awaiting NEXT week's payday.

What else is going on......oh, I've been bombing at work lately. At my job, we get audited and I got an unusually bad audit on Monday which did nothing to ease my fears of the rumors I've heard about a possible lay-off coming up in October. I currently hate all of my roommates and am thisclose to moving out, even if it means sleeping in my car until I find a place to stay. My acne is acting up (most likely due to the stress in my life). I need a haircut like three weeks ago.

Sigh......I guess I just feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up with life. I take one step forward and get knocked back twelve. I have so many things that I want to accomplish in my life but I'm so distracted by bills, and drama queens/kings, and a job that really has nothing to do with my career goals, that I feel like I can't even focus on those things. Even little things that I want seem to be unattainable. I mean damn, can a nigga get a new pair of shoes every once in a while without breaking the bank? A new camera? A pedicure? Something?

I feel myself becoming a product of my environment and I don't like it. I'm surrounded by people who work, work, work and have nothing to show for it but lots of debt and misery. They get "things" to obtain happiness but they're STILL not happy. I don't want to be that person. I want to have the best of both worlds: to have everything I need (and some of the things I want), but to still be content with myself and not rely on those things to define who I am.


Freckles said...

I feel you and its easy to fall into the negative and not be so thankful for what you do have. I am not super religious but I am very spiritual. Sometimes we have to go through a storm to learn appreciation. Be thankful that you have a roof over your head - make some new friends to hang out with, Be thankful that you have ajob - do your best and take a minute to breath, be thankful that you have a car to get you around - someone is not able to afford to ride the Marta. In the world full of negative, find a place that in yourself to truly appreciate the little things. I hope that this week is better for you.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

It's funny you say that, because this time last year, I WAS that person who couldn't afford MARTA. My life has done a major 360 since then, so I do have to consciously make an effort to appreciate what I have. I am definitely trying to keep a positive outlook on life. It just feels like a constant battle when I'm the only one who feels that way. Thanks for the encouragement. (And this week is going better so far.) :)