Friday, June 18, 2010

Hoodrat-isms 101.

I usually don't start hating a job until I've been on it for at least 2-3 months. I think I've broken my record though, as I completed my first week of training today and I have already contemplated packing my things and throwing up the deuces to my new gig. Actually, it's never the JOB itself that I hate, it's the people I am forced to interact with AT the job that make me want to run into oncoming traffic. I understand that people come from different backgrounds and everyone has different personalities, but my tolerance for some personalities is getting lower by the day.

There are 15 people in my training class and we will spend all of our time together Monday-Friday from 7am to 3pm for not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR weeks of training. Technically, it's six weeks, if you include the "transitional training." Yeah, I don't get it either. We are training to be call center reps, which isn't exactly brain surgery, but I suppose they want to be thorough. Either or, I'm getting paid for it, which is not the bad part. The bad part is that I don't understand how some of the people in the class even got the job in the first place. When I went to the job fair, there was an assessment and typing test required as part of the hiring process. I type all the time so that part was easy for me, but the assessment had me frustrated as hell. There was a portion of it that included number sequences, and they weren't normal ones like: "2, 4, 6, 8, 10.....what is the next number in the sequence?" It was more like: "6, 18, 3, 10, 49......what is the next number in the sequence?" I found out that I was about 6 points from passing the assessment and was told that I could re-take it after 90 days. Oddly enough, the next day, a recruiter contacted me to take the assessment AGAIN. This time I passed it, and went through the subsequent steps to get hired. Go figure.

Maybe that's what happened to the other people in my class as well. Anyway, as with any large group of people, there are always the ones that crave being the center of attention. In this particular environment, the simpletons that have designated themselves as the "in crowd" in training are the two hoodrats, who from this point forward will be affectionately referred to as Hoodrat #1 and Hoodrat #2. I try to refrain from using that word, but with the weave-wearing, loud talking, attention-whoring, and Ebonics speaking, it's the only fitting term I can think of. Throughout my 23 years, I have grown weary of black females that present themselves in such a manner with complete disregard for when and where their behavior is appropriate. For the past five days I have gritted my teeth in annoyance while they interrupted other people that were speaking during presentations, including the trainer, texted after we were repeatedly told to keep our phones OFF during training, harmonized with each other on Drake lyrics, and randomly burst into fits of laughter at one another's jokes during Powerpoint slides.

Then there's the language. Oh, the language. No, I'm not speaking about profanity. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am a proud card-carrying member of the Grammar Task Force. Do Task Force members carry cards? Whatever. I'm a stickler when it comes to speaking, and writing, proper English. I have thought about majoring in English but I have no desire to spend whole semesters dissecting Shakespearean literature. With that being said, I have mentally been pulling out my red pen and marking every incorrect word and double negative that comes out of the Hoodrat Twins' mouths. And there have been plenty. Here are just a few:

  • During a group activity, Hoodrat #2 revealed that she had been shot in the leg while playing Double-Dutch in her neighborhood as a child. No, I am not making this up. When the curious Caucasians in our class inquired about whether it hurt or not, she excitedly replied, "Naw, it didn't really hurt 'cuz I ain't feel it til my friends told me I was bleeding. It just stinged."
  • Part of our job is to type notes on the account of the customer that we assist on the phone. There is only room for 50 characters within the box provided for typing notes. Hoodrat #1 was confused about this for some reason and began her question with: "Okay, so what if we need to type more characteristics?"
  • Hoodrat #2 volunteered to read a Powerpoint slide in class, and pronounced "jargon" as some sort of hybrid of "dragon" and "Juwan."
  • I lost count of how many times they began a question/statement with: "Is we s'posed to......?" or "We was going....." or "You is....." or "She don't got none....."
  • In ANOTHER team activity, we were to pretend that we had a lemonade stand and create a poster advertising what kind of lemonade we served, prices, etc. Hoodrat #1's team included liquor in their beverages, and she asked everyone in the room how to spell "tequila," "Patron," and "Ciroq," among other alcohol brands/types. Someone that doesn't drink might get a pass on this, but then she went on to talk about how "gone she be" at the club off that Patron. If you drink it, you should know how to spell it. That's my motto.
That's all I have for now. I'm sure there will be much more colorful grammar to analyze in the upcoming weeks.


Anonymous said...

lmao @ hoodrat 2's childhood story. Getting shot in the leg while playing double dutch? It doesn't get any more hood than that.


Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by. In the mean time, try to tune them out as best as you can.

Vison.Air.y said...

ROFLMFAO!! this is comedy gold right here. I'm sorry u have to deal with this in the upcoming weeks but I won't lie and say that I look forward to hearing more about this lol.

thanx for the follow btw, I will be following u as well

About Mrs Jaye said...

girrrlll, i would have snapped. i probably never would even speak to them. They set us back 400 years.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Alee, I'm trying my best to ignore them. My mom suggested I take a book to read so I can make up for the brain cells I lose while being forced to hear their nonsense.

@Vison.Air.y, thanks for the support, I appreciate it!

@Mrs Jaye, it's funny you say that because I am the only one in the class that refuses to say a WORD to them. Maybe other people think that behavior is cute, but I don't condone ignorance.

DaBossBitch said...

I'm cracking up right now. Being someone who's been asked "You're not all Black are you, cause I never heard no Black person talk like you. Your parents talk like that too?" I can totally relate!

☆Reese said...

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! Ok I may be late with my congrats but damnit here they "iz"!

Um, I need some terkeela, or puhtron reading all about Thing 1 and Thing 2. SMH, Lawd lawd. I just can' did THEY get that job and here I am unemployed for a year and still looking?? Oh no! I'm sabotaging!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Reese, thank you! And trust me, I feel you on the "how did THEY get a job" thought process. I think the same thing when I apply to jobs at places where you think it's "easy" to get hired (i.e., Target, Walgreens), and I never get a call back, then I go in and there's some gutter butt at the cash register popping gum and rolling her eyes who doesn't even speak.