Sunday, June 13, 2010

Pick-Up Lines.

I went to the grocery store with my mom today, and as I was pushing the cart along, my mom was walking ahead of me. As we neared the end of the aisle, she made a turn to the right. I attempted to swing the cart around the corner as well, but I noticed an older man had stopped in front of me and was blatantly checking out my mother's ass. Just typing that makes me feel dirty. Anywho, I gave him my best "Nigga, please" look and maneuvered around him to catch up with my mom. As we walked away, he yelled out to my mother, "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

She turned around with HER best "Nigga, please" look (that's where I get it from lol) and said, "No, I don't think so." He obviously didn't understand from her tone and facial expression that she wasn't interested in him and persisted with, "Weren't you at Club Situation last week?" She told him that she doesn't go clubbing; he finally accepted defeat and walked away.

On the way home, she mentioned that another man had used that same "Don't I know you?" line with her not too long ago, and I questioned what response a man is expecting when he asks you something like that. She suggested that perhaps the woman should say something like, "No, we don't know each other, but we can get to know each other." I argued that that seems like a lame way for a guy to assess whether a female is feeling him or not, and she asked me what could a guy say that would be appropriate. Then she proceeded to do some role playing (I know, embarrassing) as a potential suitor to see what pick-up lines would work for me and all I could do was laugh.

That situation made me think though: What pick-up line CAN a man use that won't result in a serious side-eye or "Nigga please" reaction from a female? I'm pretty hard on guys even if they are nice, but if you heard some of the lame-ness that dudes have stepped to me with, you would be hard on them too. Why don't guys realize that there's nothing appealing about being called "slim" or "shorty"? Why do they look at you like you're mentally unstable if you keep walking when they try to get you to approach their car? Why don't they realize that it is NOT okay, in any shape or form, to touch you after having a conversation for all of 30 seconds? Why do they attempt to force eye contact with you when you are clearly doing everything in your power to avoid it?

The only time a stranger flirted with me and I wasn't completely turned off was when I was about 13. Major throwback, I know. I was at Walgreens and the cashier working there was a cutie. I was super shy back then and because I thought he was cute, I was self-conscious about going through his line, but my mom pushed me toward the counter anyway. I bought a bottle of black nail polish (don't judge, I was going through a phase) and as he rang it up, he casually said, "Black, huh?" I just giggled, then pulled out my cash to pay for it and clumsily dropped my change on the counter as I handed it to him. I apologized and he said, "It's cool, it happens all the time." Then he looked at my mom, who was standing behind me, and pointed to me, saying, "She's flirting with me." Of course I started blushing like crazy and my mom took that as her opportunity to begin drilling him like he had just proposed to me. We didn't exchange numbers or anything (we found out that he was 19....yikes!), and I don't even know why I remember all of that, but it was cute. It didn't seem all forced and unnatural like some of the guys that stay trying to get your number, knowing damn well there is NO chemistry there.

So how is it possible to meet "The One"? I've come up with a potential solution, and it may sound anti-social and snobbish, but hear me out. As cliche as it sounds, I think the best way to meet a guy--or girl, is through school, work, or some other mutual organization that you both belong to. My mom always tells me of how she met my biological father and stepfather at church (not at the same time though), and all the guys I have "talked" to have been guys that I met at school/work. There's just something about that natural progression of seeing someone on a regular basis, getting to know them, and knowing that they're not a serial killer (or thinking you know). These days, you can't just give out your number to any ol' John Doe that asks for it. Well, you can, but once he calls or texts and you realize he's missing a few marbles, you find yourself thinking, "Damn. Why did I give that nigga my number?!" Because no matter how politely.....or rudely, you tell a dude you're just not interested, that seems to give him the inclination to text/call you every day. Then you gotta change your number.....ugh. It's just too much. Not to say that the same thing can't happen with a man you've known for years, but there are just so many unknowns dealing with a stranger, especially if his game was weak to begin with.


Freckles said...

Kudos on this post.

Pick up Lines. I may need to follow your lead somehow. LOL!!! I have heard some of the strangest things from men. LAME and lack creativity at all. LOL.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Hey Freckles! Long time, no post. :) And yes, there is a great lack of originality in the male species' approach to women. The thing that makes me laugh the most is when a dude gets pissed because you're not impressed by his "charm."

Anonymous said...

Nice upgrade to the blog! This post is on point as usual. "Do I know you from somewhere" is the most tired pick up line I've ever heard. If you knew me why would you have to ask if you know me?

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Alee, thank you! And I know, right? If you actually knew me, it seems that we would BOTH recognize each other. Smh

Freckles said...

I am not easily impressed and I need there some sort of substance