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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Trapped.

I want my own place. Period. I don't know where, I don't know how, but I have to have my own space. Staying with Mom and Dad is just not acceptable anymore. Just last week there was an altercation with my stepdad because he was pissed that I "move his papers" out of the way whenever I put my laptop at his desk. Never mind that I can count on one hand how many times I have seen him use that desk since I have been back home for the past two months.

Now I have no desire to speak to him at all. We never talk anyway, but I don't even want to see his face, hear his voice, anything. My mom says he was wrong for jumping on me about something so trivial, yet I am still being scolded for not respecting and "honoring" him. She told me today that she thinks I take out my frustrations with my biological father on my stepdad. I want to tell her, "No Mom, I just really don't like him." He reminds me a lot of my ex-roommate. They can go for days without speaking to you, but the moment you impose on "their stuff," they turn into raging psychopaths. I don't have time for that shit. The economy is still fucked up. There's an oil spill to think about. Conditions are still not up to par in Haiti. In other words, there's a lot more to get angry about in the world besides some damn papers.

So now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells so he won't blow up about something stupid again. This seems to be the reoccuring theme no matter where I live. All because this is "his house" and he pays the bills. God please don't let me be like that when (and if) I have kids. I've had thoughts that if my mom were the first to pass away, I would never have any reason to speak to him again. That's sad. But it's how I feel. Can't tell Mom that. She would have a fit. She wants us to get along, but we never have, and since we're both stubborn as hell, we probably never will.

4 comments:

Alee said...

I've never met anyone (including myself) who was close to their step parent(s). I'm not sure why that is... I hope you can get your own place if that's what you really want. Pray about it.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Alee, I don't know what it is either. There's just no connection between us. I try to explain it to my mom, but she doesn't get it. I've been slacking on praying, but I guess I should try it. It couldn't make things any worse.

About Mrs Jaye said...

well i just think dont try to rush out until you are ready financially i dont care if you dont speak to me i got a plan and i am going to stick to it. shake and move

Alee said...

UglyCleanBroke87

Exactly :)