Friday, July 2, 2010

Why I Am Single.

Miss Jia posted a discussion topic on her blog yesterday asking her readers to speak out on potential reasons for their single-hood. Some of the answers were pretty deep, and more than a few mirrored my own thoughts and feelings about my personal life. There seemed to be a common factor of people fearing rejection and often second-guessing themselves so much that they are usually afraid to pursue a relationship. It's not very often that I hear people admit to having those issues (although I suppose it's easier to admit your flaws in cyberspace than in reality). I commented on the post, and I know this might sound super conceited, but I thought what I had to say was pretty good and somewhat therapeutic, so I'll re-post my comment here:

First, I am picky. As hell. I can get turned off by the simplest thing that a guy does, like if he sends too many text messages or spells "you're" as "your." I'm not looking for perfection, but I must admit that my standards are pretty damn high. I won't even stop walking if a dude hollers to me out on the street because I think that's just rude. Sue me.

I'm very reserved and to myself. I think that may turn guys off, especially since I'm starting to realize that men are more sensitive than women. They need that "go-ahead" to approach, like a smile or eye contact, and I never do any of that. I'm not as confident as I would like to be, but I'm very good at faking it, to the point where I think it comes off as being snobby.

I'm living in the year 2010! I was having a discussion with my mother earlier today, and I don't think she realizes that dating isn't the same as it was "back in the day." Her generation didn't have to worry about being measured up against video vixens and Victoria's Secret models, while also being expected to "have their own" and be independent.

Like others have said, I don't feel like I'm where I want to be in my life right now, and I want to be at the same standards that I'm looking for in a guy. I can't expect him to have a degree, house, stable career, and caring nature if I don't. I can still be very selfish and mean sometimes, and I need to straighten that out on my own before I unleash myself on some poor, unsuspecting man.


Ashli Brooke said...

Wow...very very crazy/interesting.
You took my thoughts DIRECTLY from my mind and wrote them as your
Seriously those are some of my reasons as exactly. *sigh* things definitely are not like they were back then...wish they were though. I'd prob be married by now!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Ashli, I know right? I'm so old-fashioned and it just doesn't seem to fit with the way people operate nowadays.

Anonymous said...

I never get tired of discussing this subject because I find it odd that I'm 22 and have never been in a serious relationship or even remotely close to "in love."

*crosses fingers and hopes for better luck next year*

I think the reason why I'm still single is because I stick out like a sore thumb compared to most of the black girls who live in my area. The majority of them look, act, and behave like clones of one another. The men out here are used to dealing with their mentalities, personalities, and attitudes. When they meet someone like me, they don't know what to do or how to behave. Most of them become intimidated because I actually have my shit together and am intelligent and it never goes past the 1st date. Womp womp...

This reminds me of my "Six reasons why being young female and black is such a challenge" post.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Alee, that's why I loved that post so much! It mentioned everything that I think and feel about dating and relating to other black people in general. I am very different from other females my age as well, and that contributes a lot to the "first date curse" when I meet guys.

Anonymous said...

I believe that I am single because many men cannot handle my outspoken ways. With that being said, men around me still say that women don't know what they want. In my case, I do know what I want, however it is just hard for some men to measure up to little simple tasks. As you've said, you're picky. So am I. Anything little thing will turn me off, and I'm not about to settle with any man just for the sake of having someone. That truly is not my style. But.. I do think that I am alone for the moment for good reason. I've been thru a whole lot in my life/love life... its almost like I've lived the life of a 45 year old woman but I'm only 25. The upside of being single is that I've grown to be independent, and have learned to love myself a lot more. While having my fun, and being single, I think its preparing me for the next good man to come my way. My big question is.. when is he coming.. cause its been a looonnng time!

Anonymous said...


I always love your comments. You aint neva lied!


LOL "first date curse."

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Miss_trish,amen to not settling for any old Joe simply for the sake of saying you have a man. I see that too much with other women my age and I can't bring myself to do it. I ask the same question about "Where is he?" My mom says I'll find the one when the time is right. Mother knows best...I guess lol

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

men aren't more sensitive then women. men are just more sensitive than women think. wanna fuck up a womans day tell her breath stinks. cause a woman will cut you down for going in our her appearance. but her breath she'll just assume she can't smell it. even if she curses you out..all day she gonna have some gum. #mannote 29