I feel like I'm in a time warp. That's what my Facebook status says.....yes, I got back on Facebook. Don't ask why; I think it was more out of boredom than anything else. Anyway, back to the time warp thing.
It seems like not much has changed in my life for the past several years. Little things have changed: I got a haircut, moved around a bit, made some new friends, dumped the new friends, but there hasn't been anything MAJOR. Does that make any sense? When I think about it, nothing major has happened in my life period. That's kind of depressing. I feel like something needs to happen soon, or I'm going to lose my mind. I need to have a baby, get married, win the lottery, something. This steady flow of ho-hum everyday life is not cutting it. I hate the fact that I wake up every morning, shower, get dressed, drive 40 minutes to work, fight the urge to gouge my eyeballs out for 8 1/2 hours, drive 40 minutes back home, search for food, go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. How do people do that shit for 20+ years? I read those articles that say life expectancy for people in my generation is in the 90s. I can't imagine life being like this for the next 70 years. That just can't be right.
I feel like everyone and everything around me is changing, but I'm stuck. I know I'm saying "I feel" and "it seems" a lot in this post, but bear with me. One of my friends graduated, another is pregnant. Maybe that says something about me. I can already hear what some people that I know would say if I told them all this: "You can't look at other people and what they're doing. You have to look at yourself." To those people I would like to say.....fuck off. I'm not in the mood for it today. Even though they are probably right. But how does one go about "changing" their own life? How do you wake up one morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say: "Self, today YOU are going to change YOUR own life!"? The day I do that I may need to have myself committed.
Life feels like one long-ass financial aid line for me right now. I'm always waiting. Just waiting. Waiting for what exactly? I have no idea. Whatever I'm waiting for needs to hurry up and happen already because I don't think I can take it anymore.