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Monday, August 30, 2010

Question.

So I went to see Takers for its opening weekend. Although I knew the theater would be packed with loud and rowdy middle/high-school aged kids, I braved the crowd so I could be front row and center to see my husband. (The movie was awesome, by the way. I don't want to give away too many details for those that haven't seen it, but I don't understand why they always gotta do my baby like that.) This post was inspired by what I witnessed while waiting in line at the concession stand.

A group of kids were in front of us, and two boys who looked to be about 12 or 13 stood out to me. One of them had what seems to be the mandatory faux-hawk for pre-adolescent boys, and was wearing a plaid shirt, skinny jeans, and whatever the latest sneakers are for that age. The other wore a similar get-up, except he had on a purple t-shirt and shoes to match. After they had gathered all of their snacks, each one sashayed by with more sugar in his step than RuPaul, Miss J, and Andre Leon Talley mixed into one big bowl of glitter-liciousness. Yes, I'm making up words and shit.

For some reason, this disturbed me. Anyone who knows me can attest that I am very liberal and I have no problem with homosexuals. For a long period of time, most of my friends were either gay or bisexual. My problem is when pre-teen boys are playing the role of "queen" before they even understand what it means.

This brings me to my next question: What's going on with their parents? I know when I was 12, I didn't have the money to buy my own clothes, and whenever I did go shopping, my mom was right there with me. Any clothing item I attempted to choose that my mother deemed inappropriate for my age, quickly went right back on the rack I picked it up from. Maybe that's not the case with parents nowadays; maybe they just throw some cash at their kids and send them to the mall. I don't know. What I would like to know is what could be going through a parent's mind, where they would allow their child to dress and act a certain way at such a young age.

I have heard the debate that some people are "born gay." This could be true. I haven't researched it, and I don't claim to be an expert on the topic, so I won't make any arguments for or against that theory. If I were a parent and my eight-year-old told me he/she was gay, I'm not sure what my reaction would be. However, I think no matter what may be going on in a child's life, until the age of eighteen, it's still a child. In my mind, there is nothing okay about a young boy wearing midriff tops and lip gloss, nor is it okay for a little girl to rock a buzz cut and baggy cargo pants in an attempt to look like a "stud."

Now I will turn this question over to everyone else. If you're a parent (and even if you're not; feel free to answer from a hypothetical standpoint), would you allow your pre-teen to dress and/or behave in a manner stereotypical of the opposite sex?

6 comments:

I'm Alee. said...

"the mandatory faux-hawk for pre-adolescent boys, and was wearing a plaid shirt, skinny jeans, and whatever the latest sneakers are for that age."
^^^
I swear we have the same strait-to-the-point sense of humor.

You gotta remember we're dealing with a new generation of parents completely different than our own. Not only that, people are having kids younger than ever these days. Let's say the boy's mom was 18 or 19 when she had him. That would only make her about 30 years old. Most of these 2000-2010 parents allow their kids to look and act any old kind of way because they lack the same diciplinary and parenting skills our mothers and grandmothers had when raising us.

smh

I'm Alee. said...

I forgot to answer the actual question that was asked.

If my teenage son chose to dress and carry himself in a feminine way, I don't think I would care. I wasn't put on this earth to judge any one... But I would warn him that he might get his ass whooped. Some people don't play around with that gay sh*t...

Yakitori said...

Honestly, yes. I keep telling myself that when I finally do have children, I'm going to give them room to breathe and figure out who they are. However, I will also do my part as a parent and let them be aware of the possible consequences of their actions so that they can prepare for them. I understand where you're coming from though. Kids are growing up way too fast nowadays. A 12 year shouldn't know jack about being a queen.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Thanks for the comments/insight ladies. This post was one of the few that I debated with myself about while writing it. Usually I have a "black or white" point of view on issues, with no gray area in between. But this is one that could be a gray area.

On one hand, I know from experience that being a teenager is hard enough without adding all the other issues that would come with being gay, but on the other hand I would feel horrible if my child ran away or committed suicide because I didn't allow him/her to be true to him/herself. So yeah....I'd probably have to suck it up, and like you both said, make them aware of the possible consequences.

I'm Alee. said...

Yeah. I mean, what can you do besides love the child regardless?
Great post girl!

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

personally..i feel you have to let your kids be themselves. but i admit if my son came asking to wear some lipstick or midriff i'd have to tell him no. you can feel a certain way without going overboard. we'd have to some kinda of compromise. i love my son regardless of anything he'll ever do. i've already resigned myself to that. but there would be guidelines. just like i wouldn't let my daughter dressed like a slut just because she felt like a slut. i'm not letting my son dress like a chick because he feels like a chick.


as you said at 18...you can do what you like. but in my house there are some guidelines. understanding is a 2 way street.