Friday, October 29, 2010


Not having money is frustrating. As hell. I've heard the saying that money can't buy you happiness, but I sure ain't happy being broke. If I ever get the opportunity to have an overabundance of money and I'm STILL not happy, then maybe I can attest to that saying, but until then, the grass certainly does look greener on the other side in this instance. I know rich people have their own issues, but at least they don't have to choose between buying lunch or filling up their gas tank.

I feel like I'm not getting ahead, and I don't know when--or if--I will ever get ahead. Being in debt is like being inside of a never-ending hole. I keep trying to claw my way out, but it's like an invisible force is pinning me down. Every time I look around, there's a new bill to add to the pile. I am constantly kicking myself for dropping out of school for what was intended to be a very short period of time. Now the grace period is over, and Uncle Sam wants his cash. I'm convinced that student loans were created by Satan himself, to ensure that desperate college students around the world will never be able to see a paycheck without paying a portion of it to a loan provider (or several).

I'm losing weight because I'm stressed out; I'm stressed out because I'm losing weight. I regret every frivolous penny that was spent during the days that I had no bills to worry about. I'm still angry that I got fired from my first "good" job the same week my financial situation was beginning to look up, and I wonder if I will ever get back to that point. Will I ever be able to afford to live on my own? Purchase a new car? Repair the car I have, without going even deeper into this hole? Spend $20 at Walgreens without feeling pangs of guilt afterward?

I don't know. I don't know.


MindOfACreator91 said...

Deep, I feel you... when you think your gonna be able to save some money or something... BAM!!! something crazy seems to come up and Intervene with your plans... it really sucks :(

Anonymous said...

Yes, you will. It may not seem that way now, but

*warning, I'm about to get spiritual on you so if you aint tryna hear all that shit, come back later*

God has a way of blessing people who deserve it and are strong enough to hang in there long enought to recieve the blessings that are in store for them. If you really are in need of financial stability, he will see that and make a way for you to get ahead. Pray about it, and save what you can for now.

MindOfACreator91 said...

You're right about that

Reggie said...

Money is like sex, it's not really important until you're not getting as much as you'd like.

April K said...

girl i know exactly how you feel! i have a ton of school loans, i thought staying in GA would save me money, WRONG!! I've hated school, and I wish I would have known what my school would be like before I came here and wasted govt money...

Monsonique said...

I do not know you very well, but I can tell you is that it gets better. I had a friend who was a multi-millionaire who killed himself this year. He had every luxury possible afforded to him and killed himself because he felt deeply depressed. If you are in good health, a stable state of mind, and you young and viral, you can change your current situation so your future is much better. I have been where you been and from one sista to the next, I will pray for your peace of mind, heart, and soul. You will be blessed. The point of being weak, is that when you get strong, you will never be weak in that area again. This is all a lesson with a great meaning at the end of the rainbow.

god bless you,
oriel martin

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Monsonique, thanks for the encouraging words. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Like I said, I know having money does not eliminate all of life's problems, but sometimes I get so sidetracked by thinking about what bills I have to pay that it gets hard to focus on what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I'm learning little by little how to cope with everything.

Thanks again for the comment. :)