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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You Know You're From St. Louis When......


......It's not "hair," it's "hurr." It's not "there," it's "thurr."

......Niggas are still quoting Nelly lyrics from 2002.

......The most exciting thing to do is go to the St. Louis Zoo or the art museum.

......You tell people where you're from and they say, "Oh, I've been to St. Louis!" And that's it.

......Girls think they're shitting on hoes because they just copped the newest pair of Air Force Ones.

......If all else fails, at least we have the Arch.

......People from East St. Louis look down on you because they're from the TRUE heart of the city.

......Everyone refuses to admit that the Rams suck. I don't follow football, but even I know that.

......Club scene? Nightlife? What's that?

......Hoodrats and goons alike rep their city to the fullest, even though there's not much to "rep."

FYI: I was inspired to write this post while I was browsing through pictures on Facebook, and noticed that a girl I know has a fucking CARDINAL tattooed on her shoulder.

^^^^^Blank. Fucking. Stare. I would post the photo, but I'm not that cruel. Just use your imagination.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankfulness & Shit.

The holidays are upon us, and in an attempt to balance out my usual complaining ways, I figured I would mention a couple things that I am grateful for this year:

  • I have a job. Yes it's shitty, and the policies change more often than I change my underwear, but it pays the bills. A couple years ago this time, I didn't even want to answer my phone because bill collectors were on my ass constantly, but I was so broke that I couldn't afford to make a minimum $25 payment on a credit card. Oddly enough, I feel like I'm not AS broke as I was in Atlanta, when I was making twice as much money as what I make now. Go figure.

  • I have finally been accepted at the college I was trying to get into! I spent most of my summer making phone calls and trying to get transcripts sent so I could attend school this fall. That didn't happen, because my old school still had a hold on my account for some reason. Just a couple weeks ago, I got everything straightened out and my mom bugged me enough to send a transcript request so I could get a head start for the spring semester. I did, and I got my acceptance letter last week. I still have plans to go to the Navy, but if that doesn't work out for whatever reason, it's good to know that I can still finish up school like I had planned.

  • I am free of all toxic "friendships." Over the past couple years, I have come across some of the best (and worst) friends I could imagine. I somehow managed to stay entangled in the web of the "bad friends" much longer than I should have. It got to the point where I felt like they were sucking me dry, and if they were in a bad mood, I would be in a bad mood. Although I can be a bitch, I'm sensitive as hell so I always end up taking on other people's burdens and emotions. I can finally say that I have severed contact with everyone who made me feel dead inside when I hung out with them, and I feel like I can breathe now.

  • I'm thankful for my family. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, and even though they get on my nerves, it's true. Living on my own showed me that they are the only people in the world that truly have my back, no matter what. We all still have growing to do, but I'm hopeful that we can get it together sooner or later.

  • I'm grateful that I cut my hair. LOL. I don't give a damn what anyone says about jumping on a "natural" bandwagon; this is the best decision I have ever made with my hair. I felt crazy as hell when I first cut it, but after styling it, I look pretty fucking hot, if I do say so. The compliments I get at work may help a bit too. :)

Okay, I'm going to stop here....this shit is too mushy and happy for me. What are you grateful for this year?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Why You Gotta Be Anonymous?


Yep, that's some throwback Bobby V. for ya ass. I know I'm not the only one that remembers that song. Too bad he's nowhere to be found these days....

Anyway, this post is not about forgotten R&B stars; this is a shout out to all of the no-name, no-face people that love to talk their shit behind the comfort of a computer screen. I've been blogging a couple years now, and I'm sure anyone who has been in the blogging game can attest that they have been the victim of at least one anonymous blog attack.

Some may wonder why anonymous posters irk me so. It's pretty simple. I don't like cowards. If you can't attach a blog link or a name to your comment, yet you want to write a book-length critique of what I write on MY blog, you're a coward. If you clown someone on how they wear their hair or clothes, yet you make certain that no one will ever see what YOU look like, you're a coward.

Now I don't want anyone to get things twisted; it's not that I can't take criticism. I'm not asking readers to co-sign everything I say, or kiss my ass. What I want is for people to be respectful. After all, it's MY blog. I don't know about anyone else, but I think going to someone's blog and (anonymously) making rude and nasty comments is similar to going to that person's house and pissing in their front lawn while they're away at work. It's immature, unnecessary, and at the end of the day, it makes you look like a punk-ass.

I've heard other bloggers say something similar to what I'm about to say, and it goes something like this: If you come to this blog (or any blog) and see something that absolutely disgusts you.....there's a little red "X" in the upper right hand corner of your screen. Do you see it? It's right ---------> there. Just a little bit higher.

Click it.

Thank you, and good-bye.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Why Can't She Keep Her Man?

The hot topic of the week revolves around Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's announcement that they are divorcing after 3 years of marriage. As with most celebrity divorces, folks are wasting no time speculating on why they are divorcing, and they are also wasting no time putting in their two cents on the matter in blog comments.

Apparently, the reason behind the divorce is because Tony Parker was caught exchanging flirtatious text messages with another woman. While browsing through a blog (or maybe it was on Twitter...I forget), I read a comment by a woman that "we regular women don't stand a chance of having a faithful husband, if Eva Longoria can't even keep a man."

Let me say that I would like to give a sincere side-eye and middle finger to that woman. Why is it that whenever a celebrity cheats on his wife, people always holler about the woman not being able to "keep" him? What is this "keep" shit about? Is he a pet? A runaway slave?

I understand where they are coming from in a sense. It's instinctive to look at Eva Longoria and wonder what the hell Tony Parker was thinking by cheating on her. However, I believe that if a man wants to cheat, he will cheat, and it doesn't matter how good you look. This isn't the first celebrity scandal revolving a man's unfaithfulness to his gorgeous, successful wife, and I'm sure it won't be the last. How many Halle Berrys and Eva Longorias will it take for folks to realize that good genes are not a foolproof way to ward off infidelity?

Further, why is it always considered a woman's duty to "keep" her man? How do we know Eva didn't do everything she could to make Tony happy? I know nothing about their personal lives, but I remember back when they were first dating, she could be seen at all of his basketball games. I have a pretty good BS detector, but it didn't look like a publicity stunt to me; she seemed like she genuinely wanted to be there and support him. She could have been the picture-perfect wife, for all we know. On the other hand, she could have been a royal bitch behind closed doors, and maybe Tony felt the need to reach out to another woman for moral support. No one really knows.

What I do know is that it's not fair to suggest that any marital failure is due to a woman's inability to please her husband. I think it should be a two-way street, but I never hear anyone chastise men for not being able to "keep" a woman. It's also ludicrous to assume that looks alone will keep a relationship together. If that were the case, I wouldn't hear and see pretty girls crying, "He left me for HER?!?! That bitch ugly!"

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Grudge.

No, I'm not talking about the movie (even though that movie scared the shit out of me....but that's another blog post). I'm talking about the treatment I have been known to give over the years to anyone that I feel has slighted me. At the age of 23, I have perfected the art of cutting off all possible contact with another human being without giving it any thought. I am familiar with the term "don't burn your bridges" but I don't burn bridges; I set up a fireworks display then watch the bridge explode.

I was recently confronted with my grudge-holding habit when I got a text from one of my old roommates. After I quietly packed all of my shit and left Atlanta without leaving so much as a good-bye note, I deleted every Facebook contact associated with my former roommates, and blocked their numbers from my phone. Or at least I thought I did, until I got that text the other day. Basically my old roomie expressed his happiness that I am indeed still alive, and asked if we could "move past" what happened. I told him it's been so long that I'm not AS upset about it, and he mentioned that he was worried I would still be pissed because he knows how I can hold a grudge.

Maybe I only think this way because it's how I am, but I personally feel that it's better to hold a grudge (just a little one) rather than always "forgiving and forgetting" and being stepped on by the same people over and over again. It probably sounds pessimistic, but people don't change. Not in my experience. They say that they do, and you reunite and things are okay for a while, and before you know it, you're dealing with the same shit.

Even with my ex-roommate.....I just keep wondering what I'm supposed to do from this point? I can't bring myself to think of him as a "friend" but I don't know what else to call him. He asked if I was still in Atlanta and I told him I was back home, but what if I wasn't? Would I be holding a grudge if I still didn't want to hang out with him, or my other ex-roommates? Am I supposed to text him every now and again? Un-block him from Facebook? I guess I shouldn't think about it that deeply since I live in another state, but for some reason I am.

I suppose holding a grudge and eliminating people from my life is my defense mechanism. I can't get hurt if I never speak to them again. Yeah, it's lonely most of the time sometimes, but I think it's safe to say that there's no way I can slight or betray myself.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Things Black Girls Can't Do.

I'm giving myself the side-eye because I was semi-inspired to write this post after seeing a trending topic on Twitter. People all over the world are tweeting "#thingsthatblackgirlsdo." However, after getting a dose of reality television recently, I began to ponder the things that black girls CAN'T do.

I watched Russell Simmons' reality show on Oxygen last night. Don't judge me. It came on immediately after the "Bad Girls Club," the TV remote doesn't work, and I was too lazy to get up and change the channel. Anyway, for anyone who cares, I will provide a synopsis of what the show is all about. Basically it gives a behind-the-scenes look at what Russell goes through every day as a business mogul. It also follows his assistants, and his assistants' assistants, who all look like they belong in a Victoria's Secret catalog rather than a business office.

In the episode I watched, Russell invites rapper T.I. to his office to shoot the breeze and discuss some ideas Russell has for a jewelry line. During the meeting, a couple interns are instructed to bring the guys some lunch. Both of the interns are women who appear to be in their early 20s. One is African-American, one is white. The white girl is seen on camera earlier, gushing about how excited she is to meet T.I. and how sexy she thinks he is. She has also chosen to wear a black mini-dress to work that day, which her fellow intern tells her is a bit "risque." While serving lunch to Russell and his colleagues, the intern sits cross-legged on Russell's desk, then shifts her legs in a not-so-subtle manner that gives T.I., and everyone else in the room, a nice clear shot of her pink meat. Thankfully Oxygen has the decency to pixelate her no-no area, but it's pretty obvious that someone "forgot" her thong before she walked out the door in the morning. T.I. seems amused, but Russell comments that what she is wearing is inappropriate, and orders her out of the office.

He brings up the issue later with his assistants, giving a comical reenactment of the intern's come-on to T.I. The assistants gasp in horror and promise Russell they will have a sit-down with the intern. They call her into the office and advise her that what she wore to work is inappropriate, and warn her to be more careful about what she wears to the office in the future. A couple days later, the same intern is invited to the Hamptons to assist with a weekend dinner, and she greets Russell Simmons with a kiss on the cheek. Again, his assistants are horrified and have another chat with the intern about remaining professional, even in a casual setting. The intern doesn't seem to be fazed at all, and points out that she must be doing okay if this is "all" they're criticizing her about.

And that's it.

The whole time I was watching this, I couldn't help but wonder how it all would have gone down if the roles were reversed, and it was the black girl running around the office in a freakum dress with no panties on, and greeting Russell Simmons like he was her sugar daddy. Perhaps she too, would have only gotten a slap on the wrist, since this IS reality TV (and we all know reality TV is about as real as Nene Leakes' nose). So then I had to think about it in terms of everyday life. Would a black girl be allowed as many chances to make as many royal fuck-ups as the white girl did, if she had managed to snag a prestigious internship? I highly doubt it. Even on Russell's show, I could tell the black girl was afraid to sneeze the wrong way, lest her ass be shown to the front door by security. The only complaint her bosses had about her was that she didn't bring her "A game" when helping out with an event. Meanwhile, the white girl was totally oblivious, and saw nothing wrong with how she was conducting herself.

I guess what this showed me is that even in a time of "equal opportunity," black people still have to be twice as cautious as their white counterparts on the job, and when looking for a job. It makes me think about the stories my family members have told me, of how they showed up to a job fair/interview decked out in business suits, and got turned down, while a white job-seeker came in wearing jeans and a T-shirt and was hired on the spot. Like really.....where they do that at? In my own job and internship-hunting experiences, I went to interviews in my business professional attire with my resume in hand, and couldn't get hired at Target. Then I turn the TV on, to see this white chick who doesn't have the sense to know NOT to flash her pussy at T.I. in a business meeting, and she's working for one of the biggest entertainment moguls in the industry?

I can't. This was supposed to be a lighthearted post, but I've gotten pissed off now. That's why I have to stop watching these reality shows.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Can't Wait For Her Album.

Normally I'm the queen of music downloads, but I am anxiously awaiting November 30th to PURCHASE Jazmine Sullivan's album. I think she has an amazing voice, and I still listen to her first album like it just came out yesterday.

Mr. Grandberry.....................




Sir.

At times like this I have to question the very existence of divine intervention because somewhere, somehow, a higher power should have stopped this from happening.

I'm already trying to find it in my heart to forgive you for being associated with my now-tainted childhood memories of B2K (yes, I was a stan), but then you had to go and do this. There are so many questions, but not enough answers. Who is your stylist? Do you have a stylist? Is he/she friends with Raz-B? Is this their way of getting revenge on you? Is this your not-so-discreet way of coming out of the closet? Do you think this will help disprove the rumors questioning your *ahem* manhood?

I feel like this is the homo-thug, Mr. T-inspired rendition of "The Wizard of Oz." Gold chains, and bow ties, and rings, oh my! The top half of your ensemble is so offensive that I won't even speak on the skinny jeans and penny loafers. Omarion, you try so hard to be "different" and "edgy," not realizing that get-ups like this only make you come across as foolish and desperate for attention. You're not Kanye, or Diddy, or any other male celebrity that can get away with wearing tons of jewelry and fur and still keep a remnant of masculinity.

Please don't let this happen again, O. I'm sure lovers of fashion and your testicles will be eternally grateful if you make this a one time offense. Wait. I said I wasn't going to speak on the skinny jeans, didn't I? Oh well.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Vote or Die?

I know I'm probably about to catch hell from all the political fanatics out there, but hear me out.

I didn't vote yesterday.

I'm not making excuses for myself, but I had to work all day, and I wasn't getting up at 6am to vote for people and laws that I have not a clue about. I like to think that I am fairly socially and politically conscious, but I have never claimed to be a political buff. Whenever friends and colleagues get into heated debates about health care and taxes, I gladly shut the fuck up because I don't want to say anything stupid.

I just so happened to listened to the radio yesterday, and of course, every DJ felt the need to put in their two cents that everyone--especially black people--need to let their voices be heard. Our ancestors fought for this privilege, and we need to honor them by getting out to the ballots. Okay. I get that. Here's my issue though: why is it that these same DJs and media personalities never talk about the importance of politics and voting until about.....3 days before an election?

Like I said earlier, I'm not incredibly savvy when it comes to politics, so Proposition A and B really don't mean much to me. Call me ignorant if you want, but they don't. And I have a feeling they don't mean much to most people my age either. I have 52,001 things on my mind, and the last thing I think about after a stressful day at work is getting online to research all the politicians in my state so I can know what they stand for. Especially since the commercials they show a few weeks before an election seem to do nothing but throw shade at everything their opponents are NOT doing.

I feel that if the media wants to stress the importance of voting, they should do it all year, not just when an election is coming up. They should actually educate people on WHY they should vote, instead of just saying, "VOTE OR DIE!" Get the fuck outta here. We're all going to die, whether we vote or not. Don't tell me that voting for or against a certain bill is going to determine whether or not there is a 2.5% increase on a property tax that I have never heard of. What the hell does that mean? All of that political lingo is headache-inducing. Speak to me in English, please.

I don't know. It seems like voting nowadays is more of a "trendy" thing to do rather than doing something to get shit done. I voted for Obama back in '08. That was a no-brainer, considering that I could just look at McCain on TV and tell that he wouldn't care much about the well-being of my black ass. Of course, Obama won. There was all this talk of "change," but what has changed? Not a damn thing, as far as I can tell. I still got fired from my job not too long after he was elected, so nothing has changed as far as the dumb-ass employment laws in America. The recession still seems to be going strong. Apparently a health care bill was passed a while ago, but I still don't have health insurance. Why is the government being so secretive about it? Or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places? Why did everyone think having a Black man in office was going to make things all better? Didn't Black people work to change plenty of laws before Obama was even thought of?

Maybe I'm being my normal hardheaded self in thinking that my opinion doesn't matter. There's plenty going on in the world that I would like to change, and I don't see how electing some random person to be Senator is going to help my concerns. Perhaps someone can enlighten me.

Monday, November 1, 2010

No Photos Please.

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate taking pictures. Unless it's a photo that I have snapped myself, I don't want it. I give my friends the side eye of death any time they come up to me with their digital cameras, trying to act like the damn paparazzi.

Why am I so opposed to having photos taken? Because it's 2010 and people have no damn sense. Taking pictures isn't like it was a couple decades ago. Any embarrassing or unflattering pictures could be trapped for eternity in the undeveloped film of a Walgreens disposable camera, or buried in a box of photos that your mother is saving to blackmail you with, when you bring your new boo home to visit the family. That's not the case nowadays. Any picture, whether good, bad, ugly, or just downright fucked up, will be plastered on MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, your friend's blog, or any other social networking outlet possible.

My latest run-in with this problem came from my recent trip to Atlanta. I made it clear several times that I didn't want any photos taken unless it was a group picture so I could blend in with everyone else. But of course, liquor came into the picture (no pun intended), and bitches caught me slipping. Remember the Italian boy I mentioned a couple posts ago? I didn't mention that he was very touchy-feely, and that, paired with the fact that my dress was shorter than I anticipated, made the perfect combination for a panty-revealing photo op. My friend just uploaded the pictures from her birthday and when I got the notifications that I had been tagged, I already knew I would have to log onto my profile and do some damage control.

My jaw dropped when I saw the photo of my lacy black Victoria's Secret hiphuggers in full view for all of Facebook to see. "What the hell was B thinking?" was my first thought. For God's sake, my mom is on Facebook now! I immediately untagged myself.....but the picture is still online, and it won't take a genius to figure out who that girl is with the guy's hands pulling her dress up. I want to tell her to take that photo down, but I know she will think I'm being a "prude" and I also had plans to ignore her for a while. Ugh. This is why I stay incognito.