The customers who call my job are hilarious. They don't realize that they're hilarious, but they are. These people are so petty, and so negative, and so unequipped to handle life's mishaps that sometimes I think I'm being Punk'd when I answer the phone. *Some* people have legitimate complaints, and most of the time those are the ones that DON'T request to speak with upper management. But the others.....boy. I've had callers complain about "dropped calls" when they live in the middle of Buttfuck, Wyoming, people who demand to be sent a phone free of charge because theirs was dropped and now has a huge crack in the screen, just a little of everything.
Anyway, the "Asshole of the Day" award during today's shift goes to a man who called and immediately sounded annoyed when I asked him to verify his account and social security number. When I asked how I could be of assistance, he told me a phone had been shipped to him and he received a packing slip at his door that said "Delivery Attempted." He demanded to know what that meant. I paused for several seconds, trying to figure out how in the hell I could explain that; it seemed pretty self-explanatory. I repeated his question to make sure I understood what he was asking, and he scoffed as if I was an idiot. I explained to him that we always make customers aware that when a package is being delivered, it is at the driver's discretion whether or not to leave that package at the mailing address, or to leave a slip stating that a delivery was attempted. He continued demanding to know why the driver didn't just leave the package at his address. Apparently my explanations weren't good enough, so he then exclaimed, "You're useless!" and hung up.
BLANK. FUCKING. STARE.
You mean to tell me you took the time out of your day to call ME, had the nerve to act like you were perturbed over verifying your information, then expected ME to explain why the damn USPS driver didn't leave your package at your house? Hey genius.....how about you call USPS?!? Shit, all the time you spent complaining about it, you could have taken your lazy ass to the post office and picked it up. The next time somebody calls asking me some dumb shit, I'm going to tell them I have to place them on a 1-hour hold while I look in my crystal ball.