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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Uhhh....Err....Ummm....

Sooooo......I think I'm in a relationship. This shit is weird, to say the least. I've known him for about six years, but we're just now "talking" so it's going to take a minute to make the transition from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend.

The thing is, I don't really know how to be anyone's girlfriend. I'll admit, I'm 24 years old and I have never been in a long-term relationship, so I'm used to doing things on my own. I never consult with anyone on what I'm going to do; I just do it. Now I have to think about what I do and how it will affect someone else. Like me being in the military. I don't think he's crazy about the idea of me serving....but there are times when I've contemplated staying in for 20 years. I mean, how awesome would it be to retire at 44? At the same time, I don't want to do it if it will cause tension between us.

The other thing is, I HATE talking about my feelings, so I probably come off as a bitch to him sometimes. He told me he had always wanted to kiss me but never did, because he thought I would karate chop him. I'm just not used to being affectionate. I don't know how to change that. Saying how I feel, telling someone my innermost thoughts, makes me feel extremely awkward, and awkward is not how I like to be. I'm pretty much in control at all times, so not being in control is strange...

Yeah. That's all I can say for now. Even blogging about this is awkward.

9 comments:

LakiSwirl said...

Goodness, this coulda been my post... :)

I know what you mean about the affection and feelings and being on your own and awkwardness.. Preachin' to the choir, chile.

I also know if I could've done it over again, I would've probably went Navy and did the 20. It's just too easy, and you're right. Retiring that early would be amazing. I don't know too many sailors who got out before retirement. It just seems like such an old rich tradition and they've all made it 20+. But I also know having a man, especially one you may care/love will muddy the situation. Just do you, girl, and whatever choice you make, make no regrets :)

DianaBoss said...

Woooooow!
As Laki said, preaching to the choir on the affection tip. Please let yourself learn now cause being 34 and like that is not fun!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Thanks for the comments ladies.

Serious question though: how do I go about "learning" to be more affectionate? Whenever I try, it just feels so unnatural....

Monique said...

Just be open to the possibilities, chica. :)

DianaBoss said...

I'm still trying. It helps that Crab knows a lot about me so when he sees me get awkward of freak out he asks if I'm ok and tells me its ok I'm with him. Like reminds me that affection is ok. Baby steps. Like there could be things he may not even know are hard for you that you could do. For me it was staying next to him for like 30 second afterward. May sound like nothing but for me it felt like an eternity. Then I would touch his leg during that 30 seconds. Again sounds like nothing but for me it was big. And of course I'm still trying but I'm trying! Ya know?

NC17 said...

Don't think about being in a relationship until you're truly in a relationship. if you start playing the "what if" game and pre plan what will happen if it does go to the next level you'll drive yourself crazy. Take it day by day and keep doing the same shit that he liked to begin with.

I didn't really have shit to add, but I haven't been to your blog in forever and wanted to say hi.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Hey NC17! *Waves*

Glad you stopped by to check on the little people (since you're doing big things with your blog these days lol).

Alee. said...

Aww snap, you got yourself a boo now. Haha!

I'm almost 24 and have never been in a long-term relationship myself, so I know exactly what you mean about the "awkwardness." I always figured when the time is right, things will happen naturally and we would gradually get used to making decisions with the other in mind, and I'm sure it will be that way for you too.

Don't over-think things. And try not to karate chop him :)

khaki la'docker said...

Cuffin Season has begun.... LOL