Pages

Monday, December 12, 2011

Stress Never Outweighs Peace (Or So I'm Told).

I've been stressed for a while about my living situation, and I guess I'm ready to "write it out," as DBB would say.

I think I mentioned before that I have been staying on the barge since I moved to Virginia. It's supposed to be a temporary living arrangement until I get assigned to barracks, but to my disappointment, I've discovered that it's not as temporary as I thought. When I first got here, people from my ship told me I would stay on the barge for "a few days," which turned into "a couple weeks," and now it's going on two months and I've been told that I may be here as long as 6-9 months, due to a ridiculously long waiting list for military housing.

A few people who arrived in Virginia before me advised that I should go to the housing office on base and ask about getting a room assignment, which is what they did. Last week, I went with a friend of mine to make the request and I was told that they're "not allowed" to give any more rooms to people from my ship because those rooms are reserved for sailors coming off a previously deployed ship.

I had been looking at the possibility of getting an apartment. I planned to move in with the girl I knew from "A" school, but after her Friday night shenanigans, that's out of the question. So now I'm considering a one bedroom apartment, but the cost of living here is way more than what I anticipated and the decent apartments are starting at $600 for a one bedroom (and I definitely don't have an extra $600 laying around in my bank account). Anything less than that is.....hood. As hell. And I can't do hood, no matter how bad my living situation is at the barge. The barge is shitty, but at least I'm not paying rent there. I'll be damned if I pay money to live in a shit hole.

After I left the housing office with my friend, my boyfriend called and he could tell from my tone that I was irritated. I've complained to him and my family about my dissatisfaction with where I'm living, so I didn't want to get into it again. He asked if I was okay and I said no, but I didn't want to talk about it. I was driving and I got lost so I told him I would call him back. Then he sent a text saying he wished he could make me feel better. I told him there wasn't anything he could do and that I might just be depressed. He kept saying he was "concerned," as if he thought I was on my way to jump off the nearest bridge, which I told him I wasn't (yet). I finally broke down and said I was tired of having to jump through hoops before I could go to school or live somewhere decent. He told me to be patient and everything would come to me. I've lost count of how many times I've heard that, whether it's from him, my mother, or my friends, and I told him that's why I didn't want to talk about it, because everyone says the same shit.

Then his panties got all in a bunch and he told me I didn't have to "come at him" like that. He said he was trying to uplift me, but he was sorry for trying. Poor thing. He has no idea that there's no uplifting in the world that can help when I get in one of my "fuck the world" moods. He said he didn't want me to be stressed out, and I told him stress is a part of life and he can't stop it. Then he hit me with this quote: "Stress never outweighs peace."

Hmmmm. That may be true for some, but in my experience, I've never been good at being at peace when I'm under a lot of stress. Besides, isn't it easy for him to preach about peace and all that bullshit when he's going home to a warm, spacious house? He doesn't have to practically live out of his car because there's not enough room for his shit in a tiny ass berthing. He doesn't have gnats flying around because people leave bags of trash sitting in the hallway for days. He doesn't have to sleep in a less-than-twin sized bed that kills his back every night.

I know. This is what I signed up for right? I'm being a diva, huh? Ehhh...whatever. That's how I feel right now.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Deja Vu.

Do you ever find yourself attracting the exact same kind of friends no matter how many times you say you won't? It makes you have to look at yourself and ask what could be wrong with you if you end up in the same situations time and time again. With that being said....self, what the hell is wrong with you???




Let me back up a little. A few years ago when I lived in Atlanta, I became "friends" with a girl that was going to the same school. Initially she seemed pretty stuck up to me, but due to a mutual hatred of the institution we went to, we hung out more and more often, to the point where we were together every day. This girl was the complete opposite of me: loud and outgoing, heavy set, never seen without a sew-in weave, very flirtatious. Somehow though, we managed to get along for a significant amount of time. Eventually, I began to realize that she used her outspoken nature as a way to manipulate others, myself included. Although I'm a quiet person, I don't do well with being manipulated, so I cut the friendship off. This led to her writing me a lengthy and nasty Facebook message about how honored I should have been to be in her presence, which led to me blocking her and moving on with my life.





Fast forward to now. I don't know too many people here in Virginia, except a girl I used to be roommates with in "A" school. This girl is also the total opposite of me: loud and outgoing, heavy set, religiously wears a sew-in weave, very flirty (seeing the pattern here?). And again, we've managed to get along for a significant amount of time.





Until...............................





This past Friday, we make plans to go to her friend's apartment and have a few drinks before going to a club in town. We go to the club and it's okay, not a horrible place but nothing to write home about. We're there for an hour and a half to two hours tops, when my friend tells me she's been texting back and forth with her fuck buddy and he told her his roommate wants me to come over. I had gone over to her friend's place once before and his roommate barely talked to me, which didn't bother me much since I already have a boyfriend. However, this night at the club is a prime example of why liquor should never be mixed with decision making, because I agree to go over there with her again.





We drop her other friend off at home, then head to the dude's apartment. We get inside to find her friend, his roommate, and two other guys I've never seen before. I'm getting a feeling this isn't going to go the way my friend thought it would. I sit down and wait as she and the friend engage in the flirtatious bantering that seems to be a prerequisite to them going off to his room and getting it in. The shots of Hennessy I had earlier are making me drowsy, then I hear her friend call me to hang out with everyone in the kitchen. When I hesitate, he invites me out the balcony to have a "chat." Bad decision #2.





We get outside and he starts asking which of his friends I "want." I stare at him in confusion, and tell him I don't "want" either one of them. First of all, I have a boyfriend, second, neither of the guys are attractive or interesting to me, and third, I'm not in the business of fucking random niggas for the hell of it. Then his roommate comes out, saying he wouldn't mind being the chosen one but he has a crazy baby's mama. They go on for a while, asking if I'm shy and trying to convince me that it's "just sex." The roommate leaves, then the other dude goes into some other shit, implying that even though he's been sleeping with my friend, he wouldn't mind taking a shot at me. Then he says something about an orgy and I tell him to go talk to my friend because I'm done with this whole conversation. He asks if she's down, does that mean I am too? Again, I tell him to go talk to her.





She comes out to the balcony moments later and asks if I said I wanted to have an orgy. I tell her hell no, and she asks if I want to leave. I say yes, and we start to head out. As we're leaving, her friend says something to her that I don't hear then tells her he's going to have his sister fight her, which makes her go crazy. She's trying to fight him and his friend, while the rest of us are trying to break them up. We finally get her downstairs and to my car, then I realize that I left my phone upstairs in the whole frenzy. She's more than happy to go get my phone, as this will give her another opportunity to swing on some niggas. By the time she gets my phone, the police are pulling up.





They ask what we were doing, and she refuses to tell them anything. All she keeps saying is that she was going to get my phone off the charger and we were about to leave. I'm a sheltered child and I've never had many dealings with the cops, but I decide not to incriminate myself, avoiding the cop's questions when he asks what was going on. They take our IDs and head upstairs to talk to the guys. Moments later, the cops come downstairs and tell us we can go. On the way to the car, I tell her it was stupid for her to get into it with them, knowing we could have gotten in trouble for it. Her response: "Okay, but we didn't!"





Then she starts talking shit about how she was just trying to get my phone and I could have gotten it myself, and from now on she's not going anywhere, she's just going to stay posted in her room, blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of her dramatic bullshit and don't say anything else to her on the drive back to base. She gets out of the car without a word and storms off. I'm confused on how I was trying to stop her from doing dumb shit and now she's mad. I already know that will be the last time it ever happens. We're in the military now, so if we get taken in by the police, that will open up a whole world of trouble, but I guess that doesn't mean anything to someone who's intoxicated and angry that they missed out on some Friday night dick.





Anyway, I feel like this always happens to me. I get caught up with some Bad Girls Club wannabe and end up right in the middle of her drama. Then when I cut her off, it leaves me all by myself because she was so manipulative that she made sure no one else hung out with us. I don't want to befriend anyone else like that, but I don't know how I will stop it, since I thought I had learned my lesson after the girl I kicked it with in Atlanta.