Monday, December 12, 2011

Stress Never Outweighs Peace (Or So I'm Told).

I've been stressed for a while about my living situation, and I guess I'm ready to "write it out," as DBB would say.

I think I mentioned before that I have been staying on the barge since I moved to Virginia. It's supposed to be a temporary living arrangement until I get assigned to barracks, but to my disappointment, I've discovered that it's not as temporary as I thought. When I first got here, people from my ship told me I would stay on the barge for "a few days," which turned into "a couple weeks," and now it's going on two months and I've been told that I may be here as long as 6-9 months, due to a ridiculously long waiting list for military housing.

A few people who arrived in Virginia before me advised that I should go to the housing office on base and ask about getting a room assignment, which is what they did. Last week, I went with a friend of mine to make the request and I was told that they're "not allowed" to give any more rooms to people from my ship because those rooms are reserved for sailors coming off a previously deployed ship.

I had been looking at the possibility of getting an apartment. I planned to move in with the girl I knew from "A" school, but after her Friday night shenanigans, that's out of the question. So now I'm considering a one bedroom apartment, but the cost of living here is way more than what I anticipated and the decent apartments are starting at $600 for a one bedroom (and I definitely don't have an extra $600 laying around in my bank account). Anything less than that is.....hood. As hell. And I can't do hood, no matter how bad my living situation is at the barge. The barge is shitty, but at least I'm not paying rent there. I'll be damned if I pay money to live in a shit hole.

After I left the housing office with my friend, my boyfriend called and he could tell from my tone that I was irritated. I've complained to him and my family about my dissatisfaction with where I'm living, so I didn't want to get into it again. He asked if I was okay and I said no, but I didn't want to talk about it. I was driving and I got lost so I told him I would call him back. Then he sent a text saying he wished he could make me feel better. I told him there wasn't anything he could do and that I might just be depressed. He kept saying he was "concerned," as if he thought I was on my way to jump off the nearest bridge, which I told him I wasn't (yet). I finally broke down and said I was tired of having to jump through hoops before I could go to school or live somewhere decent. He told me to be patient and everything would come to me. I've lost count of how many times I've heard that, whether it's from him, my mother, or my friends, and I told him that's why I didn't want to talk about it, because everyone says the same shit.

Then his panties got all in a bunch and he told me I didn't have to "come at him" like that. He said he was trying to uplift me, but he was sorry for trying. Poor thing. He has no idea that there's no uplifting in the world that can help when I get in one of my "fuck the world" moods. He said he didn't want me to be stressed out, and I told him stress is a part of life and he can't stop it. Then he hit me with this quote: "Stress never outweighs peace."

Hmmmm. That may be true for some, but in my experience, I've never been good at being at peace when I'm under a lot of stress. Besides, isn't it easy for him to preach about peace and all that bullshit when he's going home to a warm, spacious house? He doesn't have to practically live out of his car because there's not enough room for his shit in a tiny ass berthing. He doesn't have gnats flying around because people leave bags of trash sitting in the hallway for days. He doesn't have to sleep in a less-than-twin sized bed that kills his back every night.

I know. This is what I signed up for right? I'm being a diva, huh? Ehhh...whatever. That's how I feel right now.

1 comment:

LakiSwirl said...

Damn. So you don't know now long you gotta be there? Can you try to work it so they give you BAH and let you move out on your own? Shouldn't there be some kind of regulation or something that says if there are no suitable living arrangements by a certain time they let you live out in town? I'd try to work the system as much as I could to get outta there and get them to give me some BAH early. Two months seems like a long enough wait IMO.