Sunday, January 29, 2012

Confusion. (Part 1)

In my last post, I said that I would write more regarding my feelings and thoughts about my current relationship. There's no better time than the present, so here it goes.
I met my boyfriend (I'll call him Taz, that's his artistic alter ego nickname) seven years ago in college. We were in the same art classes, and as usual, I kept to myself for the most part. However, he would approach me with some bullshit small talk or say something to make me laugh since I was (and still am) so fucking serious. Eventually, we started talking back and forth on MySpace (that lets you know we go waaaaayyy back) and exchanged numbers. I could tell he liked me and I liked him too, but at the time he had a girlfriend so I wasn't trying to get in the middle of that.

We kept in contact on and off for the next few years, but for some reason he would always randomly change his number and I wouldn't be able to get a hold of him. Then he would call or text me from a new number and we would start talking again. Last year, the day I got out of boot camp, I logged into Facebook and I had a friend request from him. No sooner than I accepted the request, there he was in that little pop-up chat window asking how I had been. He wasn't thrilled to hear I had joined the military, but we exchanged numbers again and kept in touch the whole time I was in A school.

When I came home after graduating from A school, Taz and I spent just about every day together for the next two weeks. During that time, he revealed to me that he had always wanted to be with me and asked how I would feel about being in a long distance relationship. I told him I had never experienced it, but because I cared about him I was willing to try it.
Somewhere in here, I guess I should have mentioned that Taz was (and still is) unemployed. Although we went to school together and I graduated, he stopped taking classes because he was having family and health issues and hasn't gone back yet. However, I've had my times of being unemployed and down on my luck. About four years ago this time, I was desperately poor and probably had about $2 to my name, literally. I had no car, could barely afford to buy food, and I definitely couldn't pay any of my bills. This led to my cell phone being cut off and accruing a $500 bill due to the termination cost and late fees. Add the constant harassing phone calls from bill collectors and you had one miserable sister. I say all of that to say that I knew about Taz's situation, but I wasn't tripping off it too much because I've been there and I know it sucks. I know you can't just snap your fingers and get a 50K yearly salary. I have been called materialistic in my younger days, but I've never been the type of woman to expect a man to buy me clothes, jewelry, and a brand new car. If there's anything I want, I'm capable of paying for it myself. I knew that I was in a bad financial situation, but I managed to get out of it so I had faith that Taz would do the same.

We became "official" in October of 2011 and things were going great. I made the move to Virginia, and one day while we were on the phone he mentioned that he wouldn't be able to talk to me for a few days because his phone would be off. I was thrown off for a minute, then I realized that he was saying he wouldn't be able to pay the bill. I know some of you out there are going to throw virtual darts at me for what I'm about to say, but since we had just started dating and I was feeling unusually compassionate, I sent him the money to pay for it. He promised he would pay me back but I told him not to worry about it. I felt if the roles were reversed and I was in his shoes, he would do the same for me.

As the months went by, he would tell me about jobs he had applied for and how people weren't hiring him because they claimed his skills didn't match what they were looking for. At the same time, he confided that he wasn't getting any support from his family because they looked down at him as a "bum" that was never going to be anything in life. I did my best to encourage him, telling him not to be influenced by what other people thought of him and to do what he could to get back on his feet. He'd say I was right and tell me how much he appreciated me for being there for him.

Then he sent me a text one day saying his phone was going to be off....again. Okay. As much as I wanted to, I refrained from offering to send him the money again. A few days went by with no contact from him and I was a little irritated. Here I am in a long distance relationship, already missing out on the comfort of seeing the person I love every day, and now I can't even hear his voice either? I was pissed. I still did my best to be understanding though, and didn't confront him about how I was feeling (although I should have).
Okay....this is getting long. I guess I'm going to stop here and do that Part 2 shit. Hopefully I won't take forever doing it.

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