Saturday, January 7, 2012

New Year Shit.

I went home for the holidays and it was such a nice getaway, as usual. So much so, that I didn't want to come back to Virginia. At all. Like, I was seriously thinking of ways that I could disappear. Withdraw all the money from my bank accounts and live like a fugitive, or fake my death or something.

I didn't do it though. So here I am, back in Snore-ville, trying to keep up the high from being at home for as long as possible. Don't know how long it will last, since people from work were irking my nerves the first day I got back. I try not to let them get to me, I really do, but there's just something in my brain that won't allow me to let that shit go. I always say I'm going to work on it and I do for a while, then someone says or does something and I'm back in that place again.

Anyway, I don't really do the New Year's Resolution thing anymore because I never follow through with that shit. I have goals and accomplishments that I'm constantly working towards. I've been working towards them pretty much all year round. I have setbacks, but I keep getting up and pushing through it.

One goal I'm always *trying* to work on is saving money. I never thought something that seems so simple could be so hard, but it really is (for me at least). I have good intentions, but as soon as I'm saving, some random bill or repair pops up that I have to take care of, and I find myself pulling money from my savings. I guess savings are meant for emergencies, but still. I just want to have the money THERE. I don't want to have to use it for some bullshit. That probably sounds unreasonable as hell, but I don't care. I always envy people who have like $10,000 just sitting pretty in their bank account.

I was making my way towards being that way, but of course my impatient ass went and got a brand-new car. I don't regret getting the car because I'm the type of person that NEEDS to be independent. I can't be waiting around for people to give me rides and shit, but at the same time, every time the first of the month rolls around and that car payment comes out, I cry a little on the inside.

Other than that, I'm planning on doing what I need to do to advance in the military. I still don't know if I want to make a career out of it, but the least I can do is work on getting promoted while I'm in. The only thing that makes it hard is that I work with so many disgruntled people who HATE the military and don't give a fuck about helping any of the new people; they're just counting down the days until they get out. I'm trying to find the people who can give me some guidance; maybe that will make things better.

Personally, I'm working on making this relationship thing work. I'm so happy when I'm with my boyfriend at home, but as soon as I get to Virginia I do my best to pretend he doesn't exist. I know that sounds fucked up, but if I think about how much I miss him, I won't want to get out of bed. I have to think like that so I can function, or at least that's what I tell myself. At the same time, I'm sure that makes him think I don't care. My goal is to sort through my emotions and be honest about them, since I've always had problems expressing how I feel....vocally, that is.

Well, those are my New Year's non-Resolutions. Good luck to everyone else that has made resolutions!


Freckles said...

It's ironic that there are so many disgruntled people in the military. Go Figure.

I need to save money too but life hasnt truly allowed me to or I am just not as disciplined as I need be. I am sure that it is a little of both. I am not into resolutions as much as I am into reassessing my direct and indirect goals and ambitions or as I like to refer to putting my ducks in a row.

Hold on there lady. It will all work out - it just has to.

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Hey Freckles,

Yes, it is ironic. I've never met so many people with such a sense of entitlement. They act as if someone put a gun to their head and made them join.

Saving money has always been an uphill battle for me. I know it has a lot to do with discipline, because I often go for instant gratification over the long term. I just keep trying to hang in there.

DianaBoss said...

I think that's best to cope the way you do with missing him. I bet if you told him that, told him how hard it would be to even get out of bed if you allowed all that missing him to come out, it would mean a lot to him to know. Try telling him. I cuddled with crab. If I can do that you can communicate some feelings.