Sunday, December 30, 2012

Miss Independent.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had that "I wanna do it myself" attitude. I guess it may be a symptom of the Oldest Child syndrome, or perhaps it could be due to the fact that I got tired of asking other people for help and they, in turn, wound up flaking out on me. Due to my determination to be an independent woman, I badgered my mom about letting me get a permit when I was 16 so I could learn to drive and take myself wherever I needed to go, I got my first job at 17 so I could have my own money, I signed up for loans so I could finance my (short-lived) education at Clark Atlanta University, and I also took it upon myself to pack my whole life into a '92 Buick Skylark and drive the 9 and 1/2 hour drive to Atlanta so I could attend CAU.

At the ripe old age of 25, I think I can safely say that being independent isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Maybe I'm just getting weary, but having to rack my brain to navigate all of life's tricky little curveballs by myself all the time is becoming more and more emotionally and mentally exhausting.

My most recent battle of no longer wanting to be independent has emerged due to my first upcoming deployment. With all the issues that most people would be concerned with (wills, kids, the strain of a deployment on a marriage), my two issues are those that would probably be considered minor and petty: my car and my hair. The latter seems to be taken care of for the moment. I broke down and got the good old "battle braids" because I know that the weather in the Middle East, and my thick, natural hair that I attempt to keep straight so it can fit into a sock bun, will not work. I'm praying to the hair gods that the braids will keep up for a while....not sure if they can last for the projected 11 months I'll be gone though. In that case, I'm praying that they will at least keep up until we pull into a port and I can find a place to tame the beast that grows out of my poor, defenseless scalp.

The car issue has been an ongoing one, and even though deployment is creeping up in a few short weeks, I STILL don't have a solid plan on what I'm going to do with it. Up until about a week ago, I had planned on putting the vehicle in storage and letting my insurance company know so they can reduce the premium for the length of the deployment. I'm with GEICO, so they have a couple storage options where I can either get the premium reduced until I get back and turn in my license plates/registration, or I can pay my usual amount and be reimbursed 70% of the premium upon my return. That all sounds fine and dandy, but the way I've calculated the cost of my bills, if I put my car in storage, with the car note, insurance, AND storage costs, my bills will be just as much as they are now, if not more. I was hoping to cut down on my bills by eliminating my phone bill and all, but if I get rid of my phone and pick up a monthly storage bill that's almost twice as much, that seems a bit counterproductive to me.

Then I talked to my dad, who suggested that I look at actually selling my car; that way I could eliminate the car note, insurance, and of course no storage fee. That sounds good in theory, but my car is brand new, and I still owe quite a bit of cash on it so I'm not sure if selling it at this point is even an option. On top of that, it's my baby! That's the first brand new car I've ever bought (not to mention, on my own...again) and the thought of getting rid of it after just over a year makes me a little ill. Plus, I doubt that I'll be able to find a buyer and get everything turned over within the next two weeks. He also suggested that I have my parents take the car home and keep it there, which I talked to them about. However, my mother doesn't seem to be thrilled about the idea of taking a plane to Norfolk and turning around to make a 16 hour drive back to St. Louis.

I don't have anyone in Virginia that I trust to keep the car for me, so that's a no-go. And this is my dilemma. It's just me....stressing out every day trying to figure out what to do. As melodramatic and psychotic as it sounds, I'm halfway tempted to push the damn car over the nearest cliff and be done with it. The reason I wanted to have my parents take the car was so I could save more money on deployment and start getting ahead financially, but I suppose the powers that be don't want that to happen.

If I weren't independent, it seems like life would be so much easier. I could just kick my feet up and let other people take care of everything while I live fancy-free. This is the path I chose though so I should take it like a (wo)man, huh?


LakiSwirl said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've always been the same way. When I left home, I went thousands of miles away and didn't have anyone. It was the same when I was in the military too. I didn't have any family or too many friends to watch my stuff while I was deployed.

Depending what country you go to and what base you'll be on, there will be beauty shops that do braids. I was on a base in Afghanistan that even had weave competitions LOL I always had problems with my car when I left. I either had friends watch it or my office let me leave it in the parking lot and my NCOIC kept the key and would turn it on once a month. It's always such a hassle being a modern independent woman, isn't it??

Kam said...

I know what you mean. I've been working since I was 14, from a paper round to office jobs, and ten years later I hate this 'independent woman' rubbish. Anyone singing about it, has never been truly independent. Independent is an empowering word for 'alone and miserable' and I'm ready to be done with it lol! From constantly worrying about how I'm going to make ends meet and advance I swear it's like wading against a tide. But my new plans involve constant saving, and steady progression. I hope you find a good solution that involves keeping your car; I'm still saving for mine and wouldn't want to give it up for anything! Here's hoping you have a happy new year!! xx

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

@Laki, yes it is a hassle. Especially when you know that you usually don't ask anyone for much and on the rare occasion that you do, they simply can't be bothered.

@Kam it's an uphill battle, but in the end you'll feel the rewards of your hard work (at least that's what I keep trying to convince myself of). I'm working on saving more this year too so I hope it works out for me. Happy new year and good luck on saving for your car!

LaneƩ said...

Hey girl!! It's me Poppy from Memoirs Of An Eternal Optimist. I have new blog now

Anyways, I am just like you and thinking just like you now, my independence has me wanting to crawl back into my 5yr old self and start over. Slow my role and let other people help me out more. You will be just fine, don't stress out over your may take longer getting ahead financially but you will get there. Best of luck, please blog about your deployment and how you're doing over there. :-)