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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Deployment, Fish, and More.

I think it's safe to assume that blogging is a thing of the past, as I hardly see any new posts from most of the bloggers that I used to follow. I guess I'm one of the ones that is stuck in the past because I still get an itch to write up a random blog post every now and again, just for old time's sake.

I remember the last time I took time out to write anything here, I was anxiously anticipating my first deployment, stressing because I had no money to pay for all the pre-deployment items that needed tending to, and struggling to come to grips with my latest dead end relationship.


Fast forward to now, and that long and stressful nine month deployment is behind me (came home this past April), I'm in a decent place financially, and currently single....although remnants of that past relationship appear to be coming back into my life, which I'll get to later.


Coming back to Virginia after deployment definitely felt like I was entering a strange new world. Within a few weeks of being back, I had to get reacquainted with traffic, find a new apartment, and jump back in the dating game.


Traffic and the apartment weren't as daunting after a while, but as usual, dating was a beast. I never have been much of a people person, and being deployed only made me more weary of immersing myself in social situations. However, Netflix and a glass of wine can only hold one's interest for so long, so I decided to give it a go. I had zero interest in dating anyone that I would see every day in my work environment, and less than zero interest in trying to find love on the bar/club scene, so I decided to go with online dating (I know....cringe). I had heard about a website called OKCupid and got on there for a few months, then I found out from acquaintances' reviews that OKC was essentially an upgraded version of Craigslist, so I deactivated my account and subsequently joined the site Plenty of Fish.


As of now, I have not had great luck. There have been some interesting conversations, but the majority of my interactions have consisted of guys who hit me up with the standard "Hey beautiful, would like to get to know you" message, and once I respond, proceed to make no conversation whatsoever...or the "conversation"is made up of one word comments including but not limited to, "Yeah," "wyd," and "chilling." One guy told me his first name, occupation, and hometown, and when I asked what else I should know about him, he stated that he had "already told me everything" there was to know. -_-


I've only met two online prospects in person so far. One was a nice guy, very polite and respectful, but I didn't feel any chemistry that would go beyond a friendship. He made it known several times that he was interested in me as more than a friend, so after one date I had to let it go. The second guy turned out to be quite...different. He was very physically attractive to me and also seemed intelligent from the conversations we had. I told him I would be going out of town over the weekend and he suggested meeting up before I left. I agreed to it and we met at a shopping center near my apartment complex.


I assumed that we would meet up, then perhaps go play pool or somewhere for drinks, so imagine my surprise when he took me to a gazebo in the shopping center to "sit and talk." Okay. I have no issue with talking to someone and just relaxing, but in my opinion, it seemed like a lazy option to choose for a first meeting. One of the things I noticed that seemed to be the new "thing" in dating once I got back from deployment, was the wave of men that seemed adamant on having a free or cheap first date in an effort to deter gold diggers. Apparently if a man spends $20-$30 on dinner, this will make a woman think that he is willing to let her bleed his pockets dry. Never mind that the majority of these men who have such a fear of gold diggers don't make much more money than I do. I make a decent living, but I'm still not balling out of control, so for these dudes to act like they're stacking Jay-Z coins and have to protect those coins by all means is a bit extra in my opinion.


Anyway, we chatted for a while, and by chatting I mean this guy bombarded me with a series of questions that left me feeling as if I was the number one person of interest in a murder investigation. I knew things were going way left when he asked how many sexual partners I had been with. I politely declined answering his question and rather than letting it go, he continued to try to get a response by saying that we were "adults" and he was an honest, upfront person, and wanted someone that was upfront with him as well. I held my position and told him I had no problems being upfront, but laying out my entire sexual past with someone I had just met wasn't something I was interested in doing at the moment.


After all this, somehow I allowed him to come back to my place. Yes, I know. I'm shaking my head at myself as I write this. Not one of my brightest moments by far. He claimed that he wanted to "hang out" for a minute until traffic died down because he lived on the other side of town. I agreed because I still struggle with just telling people "no." He came over and of course "hanging out" was the last thing on his mind, as he proceeded to paw me like a fifteen-year-old boy. After I repeatedly refused his advances, he excused himself and suggested meeting again the next day. I just wanted him to go and told him that would be cool with me.


He sent a text the next day basically inviting himself over and asking if I was ready for him to come through. I told him I didn't want to be in my house for the day and would prefer to go out somewhere. This is when ol' boy totally flipped on me. He went on a five-minute rant about how we made plans, and he doesn't like when people just change plans at the last minute, and he had wanted to kick back and relax, and that I had wasted his time and gas when he could have been taking a nap. At this point, I knew that homeboy clearly was not dealing with a full deck, and told him I had another phone call and would have to get back with him. He snapped, "Don't bother. As a matter of fact, don't call me anymore" and hung up.


Wow. Like....you mad bro? Because you couldn't "kick back and relax" at my apartment that I pay rent for, using up my A/C and my WiFi? But guys like him are worried about women using them for what they have. Boy stop. The hilarity surrounding this epic fail only increased when this same nut job sent me a text a week later, saying, "Hey you." As if....nothing happened. As if he hadn't just been completely disrespectful and out of line to me only a few days prior. I know I shouldn't let one incident define all online dating, but that right there makes me want to go ahead and deactivate my Plenty of Fish account as well.