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Friday, October 23, 2015

Being Nice.

For some reason, I seem to always be the person that people turn to when they need a favor. It is more than likely due to my laid back nature and reluctance to tell people no. It's funny, because at work and with people who don't know me, I often come off as a bitch, or "mean." However, with *some of* my family and the few friends I have, I am often willing to help them in just about any situation, and I've noticed over the years that some people take advantage of that.

I have a friend that is stationed in Virginia on the same ship as I am. I'll call her Minnie. We've both been on the ship for more than four years, but we never actually started talking to each other until a few months before our first deployment. Most of our time was spent trying to find things to do to stay off of the ship as long as possible (we had given up our respective apartments to prepare for the upcoming deployment). As time went on though, I began to notice that Minnie was one of those people that always needed....something. Not in the aspect of things with monetary value, but just favors in general. Things like wanting to split a hotel room, or a ride somewhere, or to use your discount card at a certain store, etc.

When our deployment got pushed back, Minnie decided to purchase a new car and asked me to accompany her back home, where she would purchase the car and then help her drive back to Virginia. I obliged. Another time, she brought her daughter to Virginia with her to visit for a couple weeks. Her parents have custody of her daughter due to her being a single parent, and they had made plans to drive and meet her at a halfway point in North (or South? I forget) Carolina where she would drop her daughter off with them. Once again she asked me to come along with her to help with the drive and once again, I said yes. Things of this nature have happened quite frequently since my dealings with Minnie, and I often find myself thinking that the foundation of our friendship is built off of the convenience of me doing things for her. Minnie is also the type of person that whines and attempts to use manipulation to get people to do what she wants. She'll often make a phone call or send a seemingly harmless text that starts with her asking what I've been up to or how I've been, and then quickly segues into whatever favor it is that she needs. She'll often start her sentence off with something like, "Don't you want to help me with...x, y, z?" Any time I tell her that I might have something else to do, or if I simply don't feel like doing whatever it is, she hits me with the "Awww, come onnnnnn!" and tries to convince me of reasons why I should. Although I clearly have seen through her manipulation, I suppose I still allow myself to get sucked into helping her because it's just how I am. Like Minnie, I don't have any friends or family in Virginia so I know that it's shitty to literally have to do EVERYTHING on your own, but it's also draining to always have to be "the one" to come through in the clutch, or have to deal with being guilt tripped.

This is part of why I have often had to take breaks from, and at times cut off all communication with, Minnie. She seems to equate being a friend with doing everything she needs when she needs it, and any time I don't, she tries to play the "you're being mean" card. And honestly, I could give a damn if she thinks I'm being mean. It's just annoying to deal with, and it piles a lot of negative vibes on my life that I don't need right now. I hadn't spoken to Minnie for a couple months because I needed a breather from all the neediness and negativity. She approached me a few weeks ago and was asking why I hadn't talked to her in so long and I told her exactly that; I needed a break. She is one of those people that I have to deal with in doses, because constantly being around her makes me want to gouge my eyes out.

Which brings me to my present Minnie situation. We are both currently on leave before going on another deployment. I haven't spoken to her in about two weeks, but today I get a text from her saying hello and asking how I'm enjoying my time at home. There's the usual chit chat, and then, surprise! The next text reads: "Do you want to do something nice?" My immediate response is "No." Then she starts with all the "I'm always the first to text you, blah, blah" talk, and I tell her that whenever she contacts me first, it's because she needs something. She says that's not true, and although I still have not agreed to whatever it is that she wants from me, she proceeds to tell me that she wants me to ride with her to North Carolina the weekend after next, so that she can drop her car off and pick up a rental car. She claims that she doesn't "really need" me, but she wants the company and also wants to explore the area. I tell her I'll think about it, and as usual, she starts with the verbal nudging. "Don't you want to hang out with me and see a different state?" I tell her that I could just want to spend that time at home in my bed, which she says I do every day. This is true, and it's also my choice to continue to do that every day if I please and I tell her as much. She then says that it's "sad" that I'm the only person she can ask, and I tell her it is sad that I seem to be nothing more than a default friend, which of course she denies.

So. As of now, I'm leaning towards saying no. I don't have any plans, but that's besides the point. As I said earlier, I am always that go-to person for people whenever they don't have anyone else and honestly, it's exhausting. I don't want to sound like an asshole but I have had (and still have) a few predicaments that I had to navigate through myself, so I don't feel that I need to be the savior for people who for whatever reason, don't know how to, or don't try, to navigate through situations and handle their business without the help of someone else. I have plenty of things I need to get arranged for myself before I leave for deployment, so I honestly think it's selfish of Minnie to ask me to spend a whole Saturday during one of my last few weekends on land to run all over North Carolina with her. And I'm over this "do you want to be nice" shit. I don't know what it is that makes people think they are the final authority on what constitutes being nice. I don't define being nice as jumping to do things for someone whenever they ask. If that's what it takes to be nice, I guess I'll never be that.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Some Randomness.

I realized I've only done about three blog posts this year. :/ I'm not doing too great of a job at this anymore. It's not even that I don't enjoy blogging; lately it just seems that my life is boring as shit, so I have nothing to write about. Or if I think of something to write about, I'm too lazy to actually do it and once I get around to writing a post, it doesn't seem like anything worth posting.

Anyway, there's still not a whole lot going on around these parts. Well, I guess there kinda is but it doesn't seem like it. In less than 6 months, I may be a civilian again. The long five year contract that I signed is finally coming to an end and I will be a free woman again! Lol. However, I am kind of still looking at an opportunity to change my career path in the military and if I am able to, I might re-enlist for another 3-4 years. The process I have to go through has a lot of red tape, so I'm preparing myself for the worst case scenario...which really isn't the "worst," in my mind. As odd as it sounds, I am almost hoping that the process to change my job doesn't go through, so I can get back to somewhat of a normal life. No more having to take orders from uneducated morons simply because they outrank me, no more silly hair regulations, no more uniforms, no more waking up at ungodly hours, no more sitting in crazy traffic just to get on base. I may not be getting paid on the 1st and the 15th anymore, but at this point I feel like that is the only upside to being in the military, because I am pretty miserable in every other way. Although I am supposed to separate from the military in late February, I will be going on deployment with my ship next month. I'm not looking forward to it because I feel like it will be taking away time that I could be using to transition into civilian life, but that's the "needs of the Navy." I'm trying to just bear it and tell myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A light, plus a DD-214, which in my mind seems like having the golden ticket in a chocolate factory.

The big thing that is always stressed when it's close to time for anyone to transition out of the military is to "have a plan." Every senior ranking service member at my command makes the civilian world sound like some dark, scary, apocalyptic vortex that will suck you in and turn you into a dirty, homeless zombie if you don't have a plan. Well, maybe the foreboding words have an effect on those that came straight into the military out of high school, but I went to college and worked several jobs prior to joining the military, and although I know being a civilian is no cake walk, it is doable. Not only that, but in my experience, any time I've made plans, they've fallen through about 99.9% of the time. Therefore I make tentative plans, but I always keep in the back of my mind that those plans are not set in stone. With that being said, my tentative plan as of now, is to go back to school and finish my bachelor's degree. I am leaning towards either doing paralegal studies or political science. The ambitious side of me has dreams of going to law school, but the lazy side doesn't want to go through another 3-4 years of school, plus taking a bar exam. If the lazy side of me wins, I will finish my bachelor's and call it a day. I may try to get a part-time job while going to school, but ideally I would like to just concentrate on school without the added stress of juggling work and school, which I have always done in the past. I've gotten rid of my credit card debt and I am now working on paying as much as possible towards my car so that I have as few bills as possible when/if I get out next year. Stepping out from the security blanket of the military is exciting and a little scary at the same time, but I think it is time for a change.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Numb.

So I guess I had a cut buddy for the first time recently. I'll call him Young'n. He was actually someone that "tried" to date me almost a year ago, but due to some characteristics that he had, I decided a relationship between us wasn't the best option for me. Then a couple months ago I got that "itch" and I felt that he would be the only person I knew of that wouldn't be weird about hooking up occasionally, so I went for it.

However, as we began dealing with each other again, I noticed the same little things come up that made me never want to pursue a relationship with him in the first place. For one, although he was a very outgoing person and could carry on a conversation about anything, he kept a lot of information to himself when it came to his personal life. Whenever we met up with each other, he would volunteer to drive to my house because he apparently lived with several "friends/family members" that he didn't want to be in his business, therefore he refused to have me come around. It struck me as odd. I'm a private person myself, but I wouldn't be completely opposed to bringing someone to my home if I had roommates. I asked several times if he was sexually involved with anyone else and he insisted that he wasn't, but something told me he wasn't being 100% honest with me. I also noticed that aside from the initial hook up that we engaged in, almost every time we met up following that night seemed to be on his schedule. He'd hit me up and ask if he could see me and I'd say ok, however if I contacted him to see if he wanted to come over, he would either take hours to reply back or say that he was "busy." One of my biggest pet peeves is people who claim to be so busy all of the time. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I just have no life, but I feel like if you're not President Obama, or Oprah, or someone in that category, you are not too busy to simply reply to a text.

After a couple months of dealing with each other, my work schedule reared its ugly head and I was not able to see Young'n for almost a month because my ship was out at sea. He sporadically kept in touch through email, then stopped responding for over a week and I didn't bother trying to contact him again while I was at sea. Immediately upon my return to shore, I got a text from Young'n asking when he was going to see me. I had plans to go out of town for the weekend, so I told him I wasn't sure. He said ok, and that he would wait on me to let him know when I was available. A few days passed and he sent another text, initially making conversation about something he saw on the internet that reminded him of me, then he quickly segued into asking when he was going to get some. At this point I started to get a bit irritated. I know that we hadn't been intimate in a long while, but the fact that he kept hounding me about a specific day that we could meet was getting under my skin. In my mind, it seemed as if he thought my sole purpose in life was being convenience pussy that he could get whenever. I suppose that's the purpose of a cut buddy, but I still found it to be inconsiderate and I told him so. He accused me of "playing games" because I had not given him an approximate day or time that I would be back in town, and also told me that if I didn't want to mess around with him, I could let him know so he could find someone else. I brushed him off, then when I got home one night I got a little liquor in my system and decided to see if he could come over. As usual, his response was no. He asked about another day and at this point I told him not to worry about it to which he simply replied, "Ok." It may not seem like a big deal, but from my experience dealing with Young'n, he is always so emotionally disengaged and nonchalant about almost everything. I could write him a long ass paragraph about something he said or did that turned me off and his only response would be "Ok." I had a moment where I stepped out of character and turned into that super emotional chick that will say anything she can think of to get a reaction out of a guy. I thanked him for proving that he didn't give a fuck about me, which I had known all along, and that as cool as he seemed to be about not talking to me anymore, it seemed that he was more than likely fucking someone else. I got no response, which made me feel even more dumb. I figured that was just a lesson learned and prepared to keep it moving, even though I was still pretty pissed.

A couple days later, Young'n called. I contemplated whether or not I should even have a conversation with him, but I answered to see what he had to say. As I had become accustomed to with Young'n, he took no responsibility for the prior conversation we had, and instead accused me of being "extra" by bringing up the subject of him sleeping with someone else. He said I needed to understand that unlike myself, he is an extrovert and he is not just going to drop everything when I hit him up out of nowhere. I listened to him, but everything he said was going in one ear and out the other. After going through his spiel, he asked if my decision to not be cut buddies anymore was my "final answer." I told him that it was, only because it would cut down on my frustration. He said ok, and told me to take care. I figured that was that, until almost a week later he sent a text saying that "by the way, I never messed with anyone else." I told him he didn't have to explain that to me and he claimed that he just wanted to make sure none of my assumptions went uncontested. I asked if that was still the case, and he wanted to know why it mattered. I told him that maybe I had gotten caught up in my emotions at the time and wanted to reconsider. He said that that was still the case, and we recently met up again. 

However, something feels....different. Like I feel as if I am just going through the motions, and I feel like that's defeating the whole purpose of this kind of arrangement. As I said, I've never just had a casual partner before, and I wanted that feeling of being free and spontaneous, but now it feels like I'm still in a semi-almost-but-not-really relationship, since I am always waiting around on this dude and when HE feels ready to smash. If I say anything or voice my dislike for something, I get treated as if I am being dramatic or over analyzing the situation, and if I don't say anything I feel like I am nothing more than a sex toy. I understand that Young'n and I technically have no obligations to each other, but I get the sense that he wants me to be obligated to him without doing it in return which is not cool at all. I don't know. Maybe the cut buddy life is not for me.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Flaky Boots.

Something that really grinds my gears when it comes to dating is flakiness. By flakiness, I mean someone who seems to express just enough interest for you to think maybe you should keep them around, but rarely or never follows through with actual interaction. I get even more irked when that same person is someone you were never super interested in to begin with.

Case in point. I have been having conversation with someone casually. We have been speaking for over a month and just met up to have breakfast this past weekend. After breakfast, he had suggested going bowling later that evening, which I agreed to. The plan was to go around 7. 7 rolled around and no word from him. Around 9, he sends a text saying he had been out and his phone was dead. All I said was ok, and he never replied back to reschedule or anything. He texts the next morning with the usual "good morning how are you, I was thinking about you" routine. I replied and then once again hear nothing back for the whole day. Today he texts again, saying he's sorry for the late response and he got "caught up in a lot of stuff." I asked what stuff and no response.

So now I'm about to start ignoring. Like.....dude, I'm not even that into you and you're already starting with the BS. I called myself giving him a chance, but if you already have tons of excuses and don't follow through, I can't deal. There are too many guys out in the world to be waiting for hours on a text from one that you're not even feeling that much.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Good Guy.

Just had a (very brief) conversation with a guy who went on and on about what a "good guy" he is, but how he gets ignored by women because "no one wants a good guy anymore." However, I was obviously expressing an interest in him, yet he continued to not so subtly reject me, saying that he was just going to have fun in hopes that someone would appreciate him for being such a good guy. I don't know why it irked me so much but it did. I guess I can't stand a guy playing the victim about how no one wants him and rejects someone right in front of him based off of looks. I believe his lack of interest was based on looks because this was an online encounter and he asked zero questions about me. I know everyone has a type and I'm no Beyonce, but don't get on a pedestal about what a good guy you are and cry about how no one gives you a chance. Be real and say you haven't linked up with anyone you are physically attracted to. Cut out the "woe is me" BS, because if looks are the main thing you are looking for in a potential partner, you can't be that great of a guy. Rant over. Going to bed.